Dear Friends: I'm Not MIA, I'm Just Busy Doing Me

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Is there anything more annoying than hearing someone claim you've "dropped off the face of the planet"?

As if that weren't exaggeration enough, it sheds light on the fact that your friends' lives remain stagnant while you're out hustling.

I mean, if they were out living their lives like you, would they even have time to notice that you haven't been seeing each other?

Do you think your friends are making these snarky comments because they want to hang out?

If so, why aren't they reaching out during your time apart? Why are they waiting until they finally see you to say something?

Why do people get so offended when you're out getting your act together? Is it because they feel less adequate? Do they get jealous? Are they simply lashing out in a bizarre way? Hm... yeah, that sounds right.

Shouldn't your friends be happy for you? Shouldn't they encourage you? Or at least somewhat support you? Maybe they do -- until you're doing better than they are, that is.

If and when it comes to reconnecting, why would you want to do that in the first place? Exactly -- you wouldn't. I guess the world is just a complex cycle of BS.

To everyone wondering where your fallen friend has gone, read this for the answer.

1. I'm not ignoring your text messages; I'm just living my life.

2. I haven't dropped off the face of the earth; I'm just not documenting my entire life on social media.

3. I'm not blowing you off; I just have work commitments.

4. I'm not cutting you off; I'm just connecting with people in person.

5. I didn't forget about our FaceTime date; I'm just too busy trying to keep up with real-life dates.

6. I'm not boring; I'm just not wasting my life.

7. I'm not on social media; I'm too busy being social.

8. I'm not taking shots; I'm calling them.

9. I'm not bailing on you; I'm just focusing on myself.

10. I don't lack spontaneity; I just know what my priorities are.

11. I'm not screening your phone calls; I'm just trying to not live through screens.

12. I'm not Snapchatting my hangover; I've just been up for three hours doing sh*t.

13. I'm not losing focus; I just know what needs my focus.

14. I'm not hibernating; I'm just catching up on some much-needed sleep.

15. I'm not staging my life on Instagram; I'm too busy living it.

16. I’m not Snapping stories; I’m too busy making real ones.

17. I’m not following you on Twitter; I’m busy leading my life.

18. I’m not liking your status; I’m trying to elevate mine.

19. I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth; I’ve been falling in love with my life.

20. I’m not double-tapping your photos; I’m tapping into my own potential.

21. I’m not on your news feed because I’m hungry for bigger things.

22. I’m not taking selfies; I’m becoming my best self.

23. I’m not canceling plans; I’m just planning on doing something more.

24. I’m not blowing you off; I’m blowing off steam.

25. I'm not making excuses; I'm busy making a life.

26. I'm not being reclusive; I just value my time off.

27. I'm not being a bitch; I just don't have time for a meaningless conversation.

28. I'm not avoiding my cell phone; I just don't know where it is.

29. I'm not ditching you; I just have prior commitments.

30. I'm not skipping brunch. I have a bunch of sh*t to do.

31. I'm not lonely; I'm just content being alone.

32. I’m not dancing on tables; I’m holding meetings around them.

33. I'm not throwing up; I'm growing up.

34. I'm not waiting at the door; I'm breaking the glass ceiling.

35. I’m not answering your triple text; I’m tripling my paycheck.

36. I'm not at your pregame; I'm playing the real game.

37. I'm not going out; I'm moving up.

38. I’m not returning your voicemail; I’m making my voice heard elsewhere.

39. I'm not looking for an excuse; I'm genuinely busy.

40. I'm not giving you false hope; I just have no idea what I'll be doing next week.

41. I'm not leaving you out to dry; I'm clinging to my life.

42. I’m not ignoring you; I’m paying attention to me.

For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions, follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.