Don't Make Pain An Addiction: Why You Need To Believe You Deserve Better


It’s happened once. It’s probably happened twice. By the third time, you find yourself hearing that little voice inside your head telling you what you should already know. Well, welcome to limbo; the fifty shades between thinking and believing what we truly deserve.

It’s true when they say we are our own worst critics. Blame is our initial reaction to the decisions we make, because let’s face it, after 20-some years, we’re supposed to be experts of our emotions, right?

Well, we have some idea; we know how we react during those heated arguments; we know how we cope in those moments of silence, and we know how it feels to free-fall unexpectedly.

My faith in myself completely diminishes during those free-falling moments. I never expect to fall for someone, but then again, I don't plan for him to completely cut me out of his life, either. No explanation. Done. I’m sure it’s happened to all of us. Maybe once, possibly twice and for myself, a third time.

I told myself to do something different this time around -- no more walls.

It seemed unfair to have someone break down something he or she didn’t build. In the end, history repeats itself and I find myself giving the same lecture I’m sure we've all told ourselves countless times before: I should have known better. What we needed to say was I deserve better. 

We can’t help whom we’re attracted to; it’s something that happens. You fall because of attraction, but you eventually stay because you see some things.

You see potential, respect, passion and a possible future with someone who might make you a better version of yourself.

We love the good, but we’re obsessed with loving the bad. Sometimes, the bad is what makes us stay, no matter how much it hurts us in the long run. We’re just being humans who live to love and be loved in return.

But, if the person chooses to dismiss these amazing qualities about you, how much longer will you stay? You can stay for a while or you can stay forever; it’s up to you. In the end, it will always be up to you.

Loving someone is one of the greatest things you can do in this lifetime. It's addicting and it's unexpected. But, when that love diminishes, self-respect falters. Why is that?

We give the world’s greatest advice and encouragement when it comes to someone else. We see all the good and in time we see it in ourselves. So, forget the lecture because what we should give ourselves is a pep talk.

Fall deeply and madly in love with someone who won’t ever leave: yourself. Sure, we deserve answers, we deserve explanations and we all deserve second chances, but this doesn’t mean we’re going to get them.

And, it’s time to stop thinking about the things that make us burn and instead acknowledge what burns us. Life sometimes works that way for the better. Dating is already hard as it is, so why make it harder?

You are the one pulling your own hand through the darkness. You always have been. Have the strength to walk away when something no longer urges you to grow. Have the courage to love again because you deserve love and happiness as much as the person sitting next to you.

If someone takes your existence for granted, know there is more value to you that is deserved elsewhere.

If you’ve gotten to that point where you’ve taken your worst heartbreaks as reminders and replaced your doubts with self-respect, then congratulations, you truly believe you deserve better.

Don’t make the pain an addiction because in the long run, being at bliss will give you the greatest high.