When you’re single, your only real worries revolve solely around you, yourself. Of course, you remain pervious to other forces and situations involving those you interact with — especially those that are closest to you, like your family and friends. When you’re in a relationship, on the other hand, things get ever so slightly more complicated. Assuming it’s a healthy relationship, you no longer are the sole proprietor and frequenter of your thoughts.
Your focus no longer is coming out ahead in each encounter as an individual, rather you and your partner both coming out ahead as a unit. This becomes clearer as our relationships progress from their earlier trial phases to their sustainable form after years of sharing time together. When you are in it for the long haul, the success of the relationship greatly depends on the individual happiness of each person within the relationship. As your partner’s partner, it’s your job — as well as in your best interest — to help your partner achieve his or her life dreams and goals.
The only relationships that last are those that continue to grow and develop towards each person’s individual goals. Once a person feels that he or she has lost touch with the dreams he or she once had, he or she becomes unhappy; the first place we point our fingers is always our relationships. Those who do their best to keep their lover’s goals as the goals of the relationship as a unit are those who remain happiest and remain together the longest. Luckily, the simplest form of helping your partner achieve their dreams is by facilitating the right type of environment for them.
1. Get Your Priorities Straight
Like all things worth doing, making things work will require a bit of planning and discussion on individual priorities — sharing our goals with the other and establishing a strong understanding of what it is that we need out of life. It may seem a bit over the top, but if you have made it to the point in your relationship when you are beginning to seriously visualize a future together, then it’s as good a time as any to actually consider the logistics of your future situation.
This talk should not be rushed because — let’s be honest — it’s a serious talk and could push your partner away rather than bring you closer together. But when the time does come, sit them down and ask them about their long-term and short-term goals. Go into the projected path that your love plans on following and go into as much detail as possible. The more you know, the better you will be able to help your partner reach his or her goals. Prioritize and make your next goals (yours and theirs) clear as well as what role the other should play.
2. Remember That They're Still Their Goals, Not Yours
Although you are in a serious relationship — maybe even married — your lover’s goals are still his or her goals, not yours; and it must remain that way. What makes goals worth having is the journeyed traveled along the way. If you butt in too much, you’ll end up taking that away from them. Think of yourself as an on-call advisor or assistant. You give advice only when asked for it and lend a helping hand under the same circumstances.
There are instances when your partner will ask you to be more hands on, but keep in mind that you are doing this for them and not for your own personal gain. Will her success make her very happy and in turn lead to better interpersonal connection and heightened sexual intercourse? Surely. But still, your goal is to help her with her dreams at that moment and not your own. Your partner should do the same in the same manner.
3. Be As Encouraging As Possible, But Don’t Be Unrealistic
Negativity has no place in your life, let alone in your relationship. The rule of thumb is that if you don’t have anything productive or positive to say, then don’t say it at all. You want to reassure your partner that they are doing a good job and that they will reach their goals as long as they continue to put in an honest effort. But don’t ever lie to them. Don’t tell them that what they’re working on is great when you know it to be a piece of sh*t.
Constructive criticisms need to be made when that’s what’s needed. It can be difficult telling the person that you love that you don’t love their work or their concept. But, it’s better that you share your opinion earlier on than they get their dreams crushed after they put in another couple months of work. Always be honest — just be so gently. The point is to show them other routes they can take and not to tell them that the work they have put in was all a waste. Always bring along a possible solution to any problem you may raise.
4. Give Each Other Space; Growing Separately Does Not Mean Growing Away
Sometimes the best thing you can do for the person you love is to give them some breathing room. To the individual undertaking the task, working towards the goal is of great importance and is difficult no matter under what circumstance or in what industry. The worst thing that you can do is smother them; it may seem like loving to you, but to them you’re a distraction. There will be times when smothering is what is wanted, but I recommend waiting until you are given a clear signal, like: “Baby I need you right now.”
If you ever get one of those, then drop whatever you are doing because being the success-driven person you are, you know exactly what being in that position is like. You want to maintain your autonomy as much as possible. You never want to feel that you and your relationship have blended and the line distinction between where you start and where your relationship begins starts to blur. You do you. Let them do them. And, if needed, you can do each other — as in support each other when support is need. Like when you find yourself in certain positions…such as when bridging or arching.
5. Take Care Of Yourself And Pick Your Fights
People have a tendency to let themselves go when in a relationship. You begin not to worry about putting on a few pounds, about shaving, about looking your best. You should always be trying to impress your partner — but that’s a different story. For the purpose of helping your love achieve success, making sure to look our best will give them pleasure. You see, making your partner happy is about doing a whole bunch of little things — not one big gesture at a time. You want your partner to always feel loved and — more importantly — you want them to always be wanting to rip your clothes off and jump your bones.
What relationship do you know failed while still at the “amazing sex” stage? None. Unless of course they are having amazing sex with just about anybody. Now that you’re in a serious relationship, you don’t have to worry about them cheating, but that doesn’t give you license to let your looks go. Human beings experience the world primarily through their senses. You should look, smell, taste and feel good. Being pleasing to your lover’s senses will have them feeling more comfortable and more efficient in their work. As their partner, it’s your job to remove as many negative distractions as possible.
Above all else, don’t pick stupid fights. It’s stupid to pick stupid fights in general, but when you know your partner is working on a big project, lay off them. You can discuss not eating in bed or making sure to vacuum under the rug another time. If your partner brings up such issues then just do your best to appease them and drop the topic until a more appropriate time. You are a team after all. Give each other the support you need and reaching your goals will be even easier than had you decided to live life solo.
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