The flowers have bloomed, the weather has warmed up and that cold bitch winter is now long gone. We are now smack dab in the middle of wedding season, and the invitations are starting to fly in. Don't be alarmed when you check your mail and see a colorful envelope with glitter and/or some sort of emblem baring initials. You knew this was coming.
In order to make your wedding preparations less stressful, I have put together a handy list of six things you should never do as a wedding guest. These will help you navigate wedding season as flawlessly as possible.
So, put on your nicest dress or suit and listen up:
1. Don't wear white.
Ladies, for the love of God, please don't wear white. That color is strictly reserved for the bride, and it should not be worn by anyone else. Don't even joke about wearing it. The color is meant to symbolize purity (or something). There's nothing pure about what you'll be doing at this occasion: eating free food, hitting the open bar on a regular basis and hiding as many small snacks in your purse as possible.
2. Don't drink to the point where you're a mess.
There's more than likely going to be an open bar at the wedding. While this may appear as a blessing to make the evening more fun, it can very well turn into a curse. Just be sure to eat the overpriced chicken beforehand because it's not smart to drink on an empty stomach.
It is also important to note that the small children are not meant to go get your drinks for you. You probably do not know them, and their parents would also probably like to keep it that way.
3. Don't ruin the dance floor.
After you've hit the open bar a couple of times, chances are, you're going to feel like dancing. Please, please, please do not make yourself the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. It's a buzzkill, and the last thing the bride needs to worry about is getting you into a cab and home safe.
Also, please refrain from teaching grandma how to twerk. Nobody is ever going to be prepared for that shit.
4. Do not eat the cake before it has been cut.
Someone paid an absurd amount of money for that cake. Do not touch it before the couple has had a chance to cut it and smash it in each other's faces like they are supposed to.
You know what? Just stay away from it as much as possible. No one wants to be “that guy” who tripped and ruined the entire thing. Don't even look at it.
5. Don't request music most people there won't know.
The point of the dance floor is for everyone to have a good time. Part of that good time comes from being able to dance to music everyone enjoys. Don't be the person who requests music that no one has heard of or songs that will bring the mood down. It's a happy occasion, so it might be a good idea to avoid requesting Adele.
6. Don't ask the couple when they're going to have children.
They just got married, so let them enjoy it. They more than likely have a wonderful honeymoon planned immediately following the reception. The last thing they need to be worried about is when to start planning a family. Can you say "awkward?"
Weddings are meant to be a celebration of a wonderful couple's start to a long life together. They aren't meant to be stressful for the guests, even if they end up inadvertently doing so at times. So long as you keep your opinions on the groom's family members to yourself, pay attention and don't bring the mood down on the dance floor, you will have a great time.
And remember your purse can almost always hold more than you think.