Why 'In Da Club' Brings You Back To A Middle School Dance Every Time

by Candice Jalili

You’re out at an adult club with your adult friends. You guys are looking fly as f*ck in designer clothes you bought at chic adult stores with the adult money you make from your adult jobs.

You have a table, and Grey Goose is flowing like water. You have never felt like such a fabulous and thriving powerful woman celebrating her success until 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” comes on and suddenly ... it's seventh grade again.

Your hair has been straightened and slicked back to perfection. Your Abercrombie jean skirt/layered tank outfit combo is on point, and you’ve got your pink Motorola Razr in your pocket so you can call Mom in a flash if anything goes wrong.

You check your Baby-G, and it’s seven pm on the dot: time for you and your b*tches to make your entrance.

No matter where you are in life, there is something about that song that takes us all back to our middle school days. So bump it -- and enjoy this trip down memory lane.

1. Because “In Da Club” was (and still is) actually your anthem.

2. Because you still know all the words.

3. ...Because you realize this knowledge still somehow makes you feel VERY cool.

4. Because it gives you that surge of middle school confidence that convinces you that you own all the other LBRs (losers beyond repair) at this club.

5. Because there is still, to this day, literally no other song you want to hear on your birthday.

6. Because it reminds you of the iPod Nano you used to bump it on.

7. Because it reminds you of waiting twenty minutes for it to load on Napster.

8. Because it reminds you of the clean version your mom made you listen to.

9. Because it makes you wish you had braces again so you could flash your grills.

10. Because it wakes up the young thug dormant within you.

11. Because you realize the Uber SUV you took here is essentially the adult version of the Lincoln Navigator your mom drove you and your friends to the dance.

12. Because it reminds you of your poor mom trying to maintain her sanity as you and your friends asked her to bump that song for the 97th time on the car ride over to the dance.

13. Because your iPhone 6 has now become your pink Razr.

14. Because your Marc Jacobs watch has now become your Baby-G.

15. Because you realize the reason you have so much trouble telling time on your real watch is because your Baby G spoiled you.

16. Because you recognize that you and your b*tches still roll as a #clique.

17. Because clubs are basically middle school dance parties on steroids.

18. Because it reminds you of the folded-up chairs in the corner of the gym.

19. Because it gives you a natural high akin to the one you had before you needed to drink to have fun.

20. Because you get the same butterflies you had when your crush asked you to freak-dance for the first time.

21. Because it reminds you of relying on your Baby G to find out what time it is (and to watch that jumping dolphin).

22. Because you realize that the bouncers at the club are essentially the parent chaperones at your middle school dance.

23. Because your Rebecca Minkoff crossbody has become your new Jansport.

24. Because you realize you actually had no idea what 50 was talking about.

25. Because it reminds you of your first crush.

26. Because it reminds you of the fact that your skinny, blond first crush used to wear baggy jeans and jerseys to look like 50.

27. Because it reminds you of a time during which you were too embarrassed to admit just how unclear you were on the whole concept of “sex” ... like, about how WHAT goes WHERE?! 

28. Because it reminds you of the digital camera you used to snap all your hot pre-dance pics on.

29. Because it reminds you of the MySpace page you'd upload all of those photos to the next morning.

30. Because it reminds you of when it was the default song on your MySpace page.

31. Because it reminds you of MySpace in general. (Who would be in my top eight right now?)

32. Because it makes you suddenly feel an overwhelming need to grind.

33. Because even though you’re a grown woman who has real sex, grinding still makes you feel so badass.

34. Because you suddenly become painfully aware of your soft-core suburban roots.

35. Because it reminds you of feeling like a BAMF when you actually dropped the f-bomb singing along to the song.

36. Because it reminds you of a time during which you lived in blissful ignorance of just how offensive lyrics like “faggot ass nigga” really were.

37. Because it is YOUR song, no matter what all those other b*tches say.

38. Because you realize that, despite how far you’ve come, you are still that same tween gangsta at heart.