12 Ways To Deal With A Coupled-Up Friend Putting You On The Back Burner

by Olivia Klayman

So, you and your friend have been close for quite a while now. Perhaps she may even be your “best friend.”


I’ve witnessed firsthand how the “best friend” dynamic can shift indefinitely after one friend gets a boyfriend.

It’s sad. As women, we constantly shun the men of our society.

But then, we jump at any opportunity to prioritize them over our friends. It doesn't make sense to me.

But maybe some things never do.

Maybe this is your friend’s first serious boyfriend. As a friend, you can’t help but be happy for her.

Friends should want the best for one another.

If someone else can give your best friend something you can’t provide, let him.

It’s what you do when you care about someone else.

Perhaps the concept of your friend getting a boyfriend never threatened you until she got one.

Well, destiny’s knocking on your door because the bitch is positively smitten.

What are you to do?

You weren’t emotionally or mentally prepared to send your friend off to breed like a rabbit 24/7.

The sad truth is, she probably won’t notice.

To her, she gets the best of both worlds: a boyfriend and a best friend.

Meanwhile, she will expect you to treat her exactly same, even after downsizing your quality time by at least 50 percent. Sigh.

Here are my recommendations for maintaining a friendship with someone who puts her boyfriend first:

1. Start a new Netflix series.

If your life isn’t panning out like you’d hoped, why not live vicariously through a fictional character?

I always do that.

Maybe getting invested in a new show can help distract you from the immediate loneliness you feel.

Plus, Netflix has some of the best programming available.

Let’s be real: You would probably be watching it regardless.

2. Get a new hobby.

Instead of wasting countless hours turning your friend’s boyfriend into a voodoo doll, why not take a stab at something new?

Ever wanted to paint? Draw? Dance? Write?

Now’s a good reason to.

Create something tangible from all the extra time you have on your hands.

3. Exercise.

Use all that nervous energy to kick-start a healthy lifestyle.

Drink water and spend time getting to know your body.

Ever wanted a six-pack? Now’s your chance.

Exercise releases endorphins and makes you feel great.

4. Read.

Not many people read anymore. It’s a shame.

Download an audiobook, or pick up a hardback and get to work.

There’s so much wisdom and knowledge to be acquired.

Why not learn something new?

5. Eat.

Food is f*cking amazing (just throwing that out there).

With all that gas money you could be spending to see her, why not go buy yourself something that tastes un-f*cking-believable?

Just saying.

6. Sleep.

They call it beauty rest for a reason, right?

Specialists say you should get between seven and nine hours a night.

Time you spend bar-hopping may be better spent catching those Zs.

7. Talk to your mom on the phone.

A parent's love is unconditional, even if you grew up with ones who made childhood feel like servitude.

Your mom probably misses you more than anyone else on this planet, so why not catch up with her?

Friends come and go, but moms are forever (sort of).

Yeah. Life is short, so call your mom.

She’s probably f*cking awesome.

8. Adopt a dog.

If you’re feeling neglected, why not save a life?

There are thousands of animals that end up in shelters each year.

Why not adopt one and save a future best friend?

If your friend is being sh*tty, why not adopt a new one?

Dogs are called “man’s best friend” for a reason.

9. Photoshop yourself in your friend's photos.

If your friend is uber-obsessed with her boyfriend, why not Photoshop yourself in her photos and tag them on social media?

She'll definitely crack a smile, and she may get the hint you’re feeling a bit neglected.

If she doesn’t, you have a dense friend.

10. Compromise and be the third wheel.

It can be unpleasant to be a third wheel, but it can also be a lot of fun.

A boyfriend shouldn’t stop you from seeing your friend, if she's truly important to you.

Bite the bullet. Swallow your pride, and hang out with both of them at the same time.

She obviously likes him for a reason.

Maybe you will, too.

11. Have a conversation with her.

If nothing seems to be working, try having a conversation with her.

Communicate your feelings.

If you never vocalize your grievances, they will never be addressed.

If you’re not telling her what’s going on in your head, you can’t blame your friend. She’s not psychic.

Grow a pair and talk to her.

She will understand and jump at the opportunity to resolve the conflict.

12. Get a new friend.

Like anything else in life, friendships need to be maintained. They have to be mutual.

If your friend isn’t putting in the effort to make sure you feel important, then you shouldn’t either.

Make some new friends who understand how to balance their romantic lives and friendships.

Trust me; it’s possible.

These are some of the many ways to cope with a friend who puts her boyfriend first.

People change when they're in love, so find friends who treat you well.

Life is too short to waste on people who don’t make you a priority.