Anger Is Toxic: Forgive And Forget The People Who Don't Say 'Sorry'

by Paul Hudson

Forgiveness is a funny thing -- people want to convince you it’s necessary in order to let go of negative thoughts, let go of negative energy and to move on with your life. That’s a load of crock.

In reality, not everyone deserves forgiveness. Some people don’t deserve a minute of your time. What forgiveness suggests is some sort of acceptance of the actions said person took and then overlooking those actions, pretending they never happened.

To forgive is to stop feeling angry or sad but then to continue on as if this person didn’t screw up, as if he or she didn’t hurt you, as if he or she didn’t cross the line.

Sometimes it’s good to forgive -- necessary even. Yet it’s only necessary if you plan on keeping said person as a part of your life. Because if you are planning on keeping him or her around, then it doesn’t make sense to hold on to all those negative thoughts.

Not all people, however, should be forgiven. Not all people should remain a part of your life.

Not all people want forgiveness; the fact is that some people, regardless of what they claim, aren’t actually sorry.

These people certainly don’t deserve forgiveness in the traditional sense.

Although, there are other ways to let go of that anger, let go of the sadness, forget what they did to you and -- in a sense -- “forgive them,” and that’s to forget them altogether.

If this person is not sorry, then he or she doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life.

When it comes to being insulted, hurt, annoyed, etc., you have to accept that which triggers such emotional responses are subjective. Some people will be okay with some things while others won’t.

Relationships of all kinds are tricky because they depend on one person understanding what the other person deems as acceptable behavior and what he or she deems to be unacceptable, and vice versa.

Sometimes people aren’t very sensitive about what it is that others deem to be acceptable or other.

If you have already explained to this person that his or her actions aren’t acceptable, however, and this person, nonetheless, continues on with said action, then he or she clearly doesn’t respect you.

Societies only function when individuals within that society are willing to respect each other and make compromises when necessary. Relationships can only succeed when this sort of mutual respect exists.

When it doesn’t, you need to cut that relationship because the negative thoughts and emotions he or she brings about in you will seep into other areas of your life, leaving you worse off.

If this person is sorry -- actually sorry -- and you know he or she will do his or her very best to not repeat the offense, then you may consider forgiving this person and allowing the relationship to continue. Otherwise, you need to part ways.

If you can’t forgive this person in the traditional sense, then forget him or her altogether.

There is only one way to change your perception of reality -- and that’s to stop thinking the thoughts you’re thinking and to think different thoughts. There is no other way.

This, of course, is often easier said than done. But in time with sufficient focus and training, it is doable. The trick is to hack your own mind, catching yourself when you slip into areas you decided were off limits.

When you catch yourself thinking about someone or something, but have decided you need to forget him or her and move on with your life, then stop the thought in its tracks and distract yourself.

This is difficult at first, but it does get easier with practice.

With enough conditioning, you’ll connect your initial thought patterns with an automatic transition. When the blacklisted thought comes into your mind, it’ll automatically trigger another, better thought.

These sorts of measures aren’t always necessary, but when it comes to matters of the heart, there often is no other way to move on than to condition your mind to either remove or replace thoughts of that individual with other, more pleasant and acceptable thoughts.

The people you let into your life are who decide your life.

Human beings are affected by their environments. This is true for whether we are discussing inanimate objects or, most importantly, people. The more interactive your surroundings, the more those surroundings will influence your life.

People influence us the most because they interact with us in a way other things can’t. They have ideas and thoughts they vocalize.

They can physically interact with us. They can hold a special meaning to us as individuals.

If you surround yourself with the right people, then you may not be guaranteed a great life, but you are most certainly one step closer. In the end, it’s the people in our life who make our life worthwhile.

It’s the lives we touch and the lives that touch us that make life the incredible experience it is.

Sadly, not all people are good influences. Not all people are good to keep around. Not everyone deserves a place in your life.

If you’re unhappy, then take a look at those you surround yourself with; they influence your thoughts and actions more than you realize.

Not everyone deserves to be a part of your life, and not everyone deserves forgiveness. At the same time, you can’t allow yourself to dwell on negativity -- especially if it’s meant to be history.

If you can’t forgive them, then forget them.

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