That Feeling That Drives Us All: The Psychology Behind Why We Love Love

by Matt Green

There are 7 billion people on this planet and we all differ in gender, race, height, weight and opinions, but we all have one thing in common: We want love.

People that say they have no interest or desire for love are not only lying to you, but also lying to themselves. I enjoy writing about love because it's simply amazing. To be honest, it's addicting. The concept of love seems so simple, yet it’s simultaneously so complicated.

Why do we seek love so intensely? Perhaps we desire it for the comfort and reassurance that it offers. We believe that we are put on this planet to find a soul mate to love us for who we are. Love is so sought after because it provides for feelings that nothing else in the world can match.

Love is the butterflies in your stomach, the glistening sparkle in his eyes when he looks at you and the ear-to-ear smile she brings to your face whenever she walks into a room.

The amazing thing about love is that in comes in so many forms and dimensions. Love can come from family, friends and a significant other. The one love that people often forget, however, is self-love; loving yourself for exactly who you are and what you are.

I believe that the first step for finding love is to learn to love yourself. Once you are capable of loving yourself, love with another person will practically throw itself at you in every form possible.

I'm at the point in my life where simply seeing others in love brings me happiness. Seeing two people so absolutely infatuated with one another warms my heart; I feel so happy they found one of life's true gifts.

The best advice I can ever offer anyone is to love unconditionally. Love each day and each person in your life like there's no tomorrow. There's nothing more admirable than a person who has a beautiful and loving soul, inside and out.

That's precisely the problem with where my generation finds itself. Too many of us feel that beauty is simply an exterior trait. We couldn't be more wrong. Exterior beauty fades and deteriorates with time. Yes, physical attractiveness is what first lures us in, but that’s the beauty of the spirit that keeps our hearts forever.

The problem with love is that we are so focused on what we THINK it should be that we don't realize that it could be right in front of our noses. We are so judgmental and quick to dismiss people that we may have actually turned down love without even realizing it.

We are afraid to take chances, risks or go against what society says is normal. We feel that love simply can't happen until we're much older and settled down, so we become bitter and frustrated with every failed relationship that happens in our lives.

Another issue with love is we believe that with love, comes happiness. I believe it's the exact opposite and that love is simply a byproduct of happiness. The dictionary defines happiness as "an emotional state of well-being characterized by positive emotions."

Just like the foundational form of love is self-love, before love, you must first find happiness. Once you find happiness for yourself, you are then capable of sharing that happiness with someone else and then letting nature take its course.

The funny thing about true love is that it always finds a way to enter your life when you least expect it and sometimes, that true love can be someone from the past. Perhaps it’s someone who has matured or who has endured obstacles in life that delineated true feelings that have existed the whole time.

It's up to you to decide whether or not the feeling should be reciprocated. There's only one way to love and that way is unconditionally. There's no such thing as "kind of loving someone." It's something you must either allow to consume you wholeheartedly and embrace or not.

We trick ourselves into wanting love so badly that we try to persuade our minds to find love in someone who doesn't deserve it, which isn't fair to the person being fooled or anyone else. This person wants that love just as much as you do.

Love means never giving up; whatever complications (big or small) come your way, you must never be willing to let it end. Sometimes, love hits you like a freight train.

Sometimes, love, like a tree, takes time to blossom and grow. It may not seem to be growing in front of you, but with each day, the roots grow deeper and the tree grows stronger, so don't dismiss the potential that might be in front of you.

When I experienced true love, or as I always call it, "head-over-heels" love, it hit me all at once. It was close to Christmas time and I remember sitting in bed, watching a movie, when all of a sudden, I couldn't stop smiling like a 5-year-old.

She kept asking me, "What?" even though I think she knew what I was about to say. I didn't think twice about it and just blurted out, "I just love you.” I wasn't afraid of her saying it back (she did, though).

Then, as corny as it sounds, those sappy love songs on the radio started to mean something to me. I'd catch myself singing them in the shower and in my car on the way to work.

Love is an overpowering feeling that you just need to fully embrace. If you're lucky enough to have found love, never let it go from your grasp and truly appreciate the amazing gift you have in your life. If you haven't yet found love, never give up.

Think positively and begin each day believing that today, you will find yourself someone who you not only deserve, but who deserves you, too. Keep the hunger for love in the back of your mind, but keep pressing on with life. Then, and only then, will love find a way into your life and into your soul.

Yes, good things come to those who wait, but great things come to those who are patient.

Photo Courtesy: Tumblr