8 Honest Fears About Parenthood That Make Me Never Want To Have Kids
At 19, I never imagined half of the people I knew would become engaged, married and pregnant. But, that's what happened.
While I am personally years away from even considering getting married, and even further away from having my own kids, seeing so many people with engagement rings and growing bellies has me thinking about my own future, and what I want from it.
As kids, I think most of us picture ourselves as parents one day. After all, we tend to emulate our own parents, and since they have kids, we imagine we will one day, too.
That’s how it was for me. I played with American Girl dolls, and I imagined I was their mom. I planned for my own future parenthood.
But then, I hit middle school. I realized little kids are annoying and needy, and I wanted nothing to do with them. Throughout middle and high school, I went back and forth on whether or not I wanted kids. I usually settled on “never.”
Even now, these thoughts are largely irrelevant because I’m not at that point in my life yet. But after a lot of thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that having kids is terrifying. It's so terrifying, in fact, my fears alone may end up keeping me from having any.
Here are my deepest fears about parenthood:
1. I’m afraid my relationship will take a turn for the worse.
I’m worried that sleepless nights and different parenting methods will cause too much tension, and they will turn our once good relationship into a bad one.
I’m worried we will spend so much time focusing on our duties as parents, that our responsibilities as spouses will fall to the wayside.
2. I’m afraid my body will be destroyed.
Housing a growing child and then delivering said child is going to take a toll on my body. I’m afraid my body will never bounce back, no matter how much time and effort I put in.
3. I’m afraid my career will have to be put on hold.
I’ve changed my mind many times about what I want to do when I grow up, but one thing has always remained the same: I want to be a career woman.
I’ve imagined myself working hard, climbing the corporate ladder and ultimately being very successful. I’m worried that having kids will demolish my chances of achieving the things I’ve always imagined myself attaining.
4. I’m afraid I’ll have to become a stay-at-home mom.
I have nothing against moms or dads who spend their days in the house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of their kids and doing other stay-at-home parent activities. In fact, I respect them. I’m under no illusion that it’s easy work.
But personally, I think I’d be miserable as a housewife or stay-at-home mom. I like working. I like learning. I like changing environments, having various social interactions and being out of the house.
For me, staying home with the kids all day sounds like my worst nightmare.
5. I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to be selfish again.
Clearly, I’m prone to being selfish, as evidenced by my fears that my body, career and marriage will never be the same again. I like being selfish, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
I like worrying about myself. I like doing things for myself. I’m okay with compromise and putting others before myself, but not all the time.
And I’m worried that if I have children, I’ll forever be putting their needs before mine. I’ll never be able to do something solely for me again.
6. I’m afraid I’ll have serious complications from my pregnancy.
Hospitals today are much better equipped to handle emergencies that arise from pregnancy than they were in the past, but sometimes, unresolvable complications can occur. What if I don't make it through unscathed, or I don't make it through at all?
7. I’m afraid my kid will be nothing like I ever imagined.
I’m also afraid my kid will end up becoming some terrible, deranged criminal, despite being raised well.
8. I’m afraid I’ll be a bad mom.
Plain and simple, I’m afraid I’m just not wired to be a mother, and becoming one is a hopeless endeavor for me.