Another day, another engagement. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you, but I really don't need my news feed inundated with every person you've ever met in your whole life posting updates, pictures and statuses surrounding the announcement.
You get one platform — ONE, so choose wisely. You're just forcing the rest of us to be depressed and to re-download Tinder for the 14th time this month.
So what are the thoughts that go through your mind when you see yet another engagement blasted on social media?
1. Another one?!
2. I think my roommate hooked up with her fiancé in college.
3. ...I think I did too.
4. Yup, we both definitely did.
5. At least they weren't dating back then.
6. But they're only 25...
7. How long have they even been dating?
8. TWO YEARS?!
9. I've owned a sweater I thought I loved one season, and by the time the next season rolls around, I don't even know what the f*ck I was thinking.
10. How can someone commit to another person for a lifetime -- and I can't even decide on what to get for lunch.
11. This bitch is going to pop out a baby before I even have a boyfriend.
12. They'll be divorced before that kid even reaches the age of 5.
13. I can't wait to be able to jet set anywhere I want while you're scurrying to find a babysitter.
14. The only thing worse than these engagement statuses are the TBTs of every picture they've ever taken together since they've met.
15. What is wrong with people?!
16. Is it rude to de-friend her?
17. I don't want these pictures rubbed in my face.
19. Maybe if I actually start using that gym membership I got six months ago, I could find myself a boyfriend.
20. Nah, F it, I'm going right home after work to watch "Prison Break."
21. Could you imagine having to be a bridesmaid?
22. What if she's the type of bride who makes them wear ugly dresses so they don't upstage her.
23. How rude.
24. I don't even think I would be one if I was chosen.
25. What the f*ck am I even talking about, I barely know this chick anyway.
26. Is it time to reevaluate my life?
27. I'm basically the only single one left of all my friends.
29. Is it time to start using Hinge?
30. Or Tinder?
31. No... I can't go back to Tinder, I've already deleted and downloaded it enough this month.
32. It's not like these two met on Tinder.
33. Or did they?
34. Does that give me hope or make me feel depressed about the human race?
35. I wonder how many cats I'm going to own when I "grow up."
36. Do you think I can bring Netflix as my date to this wedding I'm definitely not invited to?
37. I wonder how many uploads they are going to make after they are already married.
38. Ugh and the honeymoon...
39. Single for life! -_-
40. If I pretend I'm happy about my current single status, do you think I can even convince myself?
41. Well, it's not working.
42. Why isn't it working?
43. Should I just go out tonight?
44. I don't know what the hell else to do.
45. F*ck it, I'm getting drunk.