5 Things You Learn To Do If You're The 'DUFF' Of Your Friend Group

by Amari D. Pollard

Growing up, you were never the one people noticed.

You didn’t have perfectly smooth, silky hair that was worth fawning over. Your eyes were far from captivating.

Nothing about you really stood out.

Guys only talked to you about your pretty friends, and they asked if you thought they had a chance with any of them. They wanted to know if you were willing to put in a good word.

Other women talked about how much they hated your friends, never admitting it was because they were prettier than them.

You know the book and movie, "The DUFF?" Yeah, they were based on your life.

While your friends were going on dates and getting edible arrangements on Valentine’s Day, you were left to enjoy quality time with yourself.

You were the one quietly lusting after the guys vying for their attention, always hoping there would come a day when they would finally see you.

You wanted to be the one giving your phone number out, and you felt a pang in your chest every time a guy smiled past you and directly at your friends.

But you weren’t jealous (or at least that’s what you told yourself) because you understood your role.

After being overlooked so many times, it didn’t take you too long to realize people were never going to notice you for your looks. So, you found ways to compensate for your invisibility.

Here are some things you learn to do when you accept your role as the DUFF:

1. You become an expert at something (or many things).

It was obvious from the beginning that beauty pageants (or any sort of competition in which you were judged on your looks) would never really be an option for you.

Instead, you focused on things that would help you develop into a multifaceted person. Whether it was excelling in school, the arts, sports or all three, you were able to discover your strengths and appreciate the person you are, outside of your exterior.

2. You give two sh*ts about your appearance.

You’re not the type of person who can throw on a pair of jeans, grab a crumpled t-shirt, wear no makeup and look like you just walked out of an ad campaign for Express.

But, that doesn’t bother you.

Rather than crying at the sight of your occasional frumpiness, you embrace your messy hair and little bags under your eyes. They just show you’ve been busy with other things, like school or work.

There’s no pressure to be on point 100 percent of the time. This is real life. People aren't watching your style progression like they do Kylie Jenner’s.

3. You don’t give a f*ck about your status.

Today, it seems people are way too concerned with their popularity on a small and broad scale.

How many people know you, or know of you? How many people like you? How many people follow you on Twitter and Instagram?

You, on the other hand, find putting stock in that kind of stuff trivial and shallow.

Who cares if X amount of people favorite what you ate for breakfast? And besides, you wouldn’t tweet that because there’s a good chance it was either wine or cold Domino's.

You speak your mind, do what you want and don’t feel like you need anyone’s permission. Sometimes, that gets you in trouble with people.

But, you don’t give a f*ck, so...

4. You look for self-love before real love.

Since guys never really approached you, you never felt the need to have your worth validated by them. Compliments were always welcomed, but they weren’t needed to make you feel better about yourself.

While other women were chasing after guys and going through all of these different relationships, you focused on yourself and how you could love every aspect of who you were.

Yeah, you may have been with someone here and there, but you never needed him to provide you with a certain type of love.

You could do that for yourself. It was just an added bonus when he was around.

5. You trust people like you for you.

You weren’t at the top of the totem pole, so people never gained anything special (besides your amazing company) from hanging out with you.

When it came to friends and relationships, they just got you, and that was good enough.

Although you didn’t always have a significant other around, when you did, it was easy for you to trust that his interest in you was genuine.

You weren’t just some hot piece he used for sex or some prize he wanted to win because everyone wanted you. He saw something in you (probably all the things you worked on while being invisible), and he wanted to be a part of it.