Why I'll Never Lose Faith In The Good Woman, As Told By A Man
I adore women.
This is my coming-out party, I suppose. I want to scream off a rooftop at the top of my lungs, so loudly the neighborhood cats will run off in terror.
I suppose I’d have to get used to the bewildered looks passersby might throw my way, but love is insanity, and I accept my situation with unrepentant enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, not all men feel as I do.
We’ve lost our faith.
It’s rainy in Montreal today. It’s been rainy all week. I’m sitting at a café drinking tea with a dear friend who is, by the looks of him, at his wits end.
“I just don’t get it. I just don’t understand women. I’m so fed up. I hate women!”
Men, what on earth happened to us?
I’ve spent my life in the company of women. Looking back, I can honestly say some of the greatest friends I’ve ever known have been women; some of the greatest things I’ve ever achieved have been for women, and the greatest adventures I’ve ever had have invariably included women.
Why have we lost our faith in the incredible healing power of the female? When did we lose our drive and our enthusiasm to get out there and put ourselves amongst women?
How have we come to surrender our duty to dazzle the women in our lives? To let ourselves slink into hatred on top of that? What happened?
I’m not living in some fantasyland in which all women are delicate angels. I know full well evil women exist, who are as manipulative and spiteful as their male counterparts. So what?
I see the disconnection between the masculine and the feminine everywhere I go. Women wonder where the real men went and when one will sweep her off her feet and make her forget her worries and problems for just a short time.
On the other side of the fence, I see men sitting around complaining about rejection, how unfair everything is and just not showing up.
This, I believe, is the greatest fault of man: He no longer shows up.
Start showing up!
I cannot, for the life of me, stand to hear about a nonsense rating system. I was at a party with some friends, when a loud-mouthed acquaintance began ranting about this woman who was not returning his text messages.
According to him, she was neither smart nor interesting. When asked why he persisted with contacting her, his replied, “She’s a solid '8,' though.”
Boys speak like that. Boys will rate a woman based only on her appearance.
A boy will try to impress her; a man will seek to find what is impressive in her. A boy will try to make her jealous; a man will make other women jealous of her.
A boy will speak to her in a way that makes himself look better in her eyes; a man will seek out what in her speaks to his heart.
A boy will wonder if he’s good enough for her; a man will wonder if she fits into his life. A boy will play games; a man will show up fully.
It is because we no longer show up that there is dysfunction in our relationships. It is because we no longer show up that we cannot seem to get dates. It is because we no longer show up that women flake on us, and we sit there sulking and thinking, “You see? Women are flaky, like I've always said.”
But, the truth is she flaked on you because she felt nothing in you that spoke directly to her soul.
Have some faith.
So, what exactly is missing?
We’ve lost our edge.
What is this edge I’m talking about? It’s the absorption in our passions, this sense of mission and purpose, the unquenchable love for life and yearning for something greater than ourselves.
That is what speaks directly to her soul. It is your unrestricted desire for her that is completely free of defenses and childlike vulnerability, coupled with the spirit of adventure of a warrior that completely entrances women (and rightfully so).
I see so many men standing around bars with their beers held tightly at their sides, just looking and watching. They are spectators in their own movies, audiences to their own lives. Why?
I’ve never understood this fear men get when they speak to women. They aren’t scary animals that need to be approached with caution; they are people, and people are awesome!
Who are these boys who reel from rejection and rethink their entire senses of self when a woman gently and kindly shows disinterest? Who on earth made you think it’s okay for others to define who you are as a man?
You are the owner of your own self-esteem — don’t hand the keys away!
“But what about the bitchy girls?” you might be thinking. Well, what about them? I don’t have a minute to waste with women (or anyone, really) who get off on putting other people down.
I’ve spent too much time with incredibly kind, empathetic and truly impressive women to waste a single breath on people like that.
So, I say again: I love women. It's visible on my face when a woman walks into a room. Why try to impress anyone? I am who I am, and I’m okay with that, but I want to see what beauty is within her.
If you could just see women the way I do — if you could commit to finding the beauty everywhere you go, in every situation — your "women problems" would vanish overnight.
If all men saw women this way, so-called pick-up artists and one-night cowboys would be extinct.
Are you yelling from the rooftops, yet?