‘Tis the season for you to learn a little bit more about your colleagues than what they eat for lunch every day.
Aside from meeting quotas, exceeding goals and outdoing the competition, the office holiday party ranks pretty high on the list of highlights of the year for a business.
Not only is it a celebration of the holiday season and year’s end, it also recognizes everyone’s hard work and commitment to the company. It can also be a complete sh*t show.
No matter where you work or what you do, there are seven types of people guaranteed to be at your office’s holiday party:
1. The one who gets too drunk
This is almost inevitable.
When taking a group of people who only coexist in an office setting and placing them together in a social scene of free food and drinks, it will happen. Someone is bound to have too many Jägerbombs (on the company’s dime) and not be able to keep it together.
This makes for one hell of a morning-after story in the office, especially if you aren’t that person.
Wonder why he didn’t show up to work today…
2. The one who only talks about work
So, how ‘bout that spreadsheet?
So, how ‘bout ya not ask me that for the 14th time? For sh*t’s sake, people, there is more to us than what we do in our cubicles.
Work conversation is a completely natural thing to talk about with fellow colleagues for obvious reasons. However, there's that one rascal who has absolutely no concept of “what happens in the office stays in the office.”
I won’t get offended if you ask about my dogs. Or my plans for the holidays. Or just about anything that has to do with my life outside of work.
3. The one you forgot worked there
GUILTY (and beyond embarrassed). I work with more than 30 people and don’t see all of them on a regular basis. In my defense, I’ve only been with my company for a few months.
For those of you who have been at the same place for years, well, that’s on you.
So, when I’m stuck in a corner by the bar with nothing but awkward silence separating me and this dude I don’t remember meeting, there’s a 99 percent chance that “Hi, nice to meet you!” is coming out of my mouth.
We’ve talked twice in the kitchen.
Ohhhh, yeah! Now, you’re sweating with shame and on the path to being the one who gets too drunk.
4. The one who scares the sh*t out of you
Human resources manager, the CEO, your office crush – whomever. There is someone in that office who scares the living daylights out of you, and you two were just paired up for a karaoke duet.
Better warm up those vocal chords so they don’t hear your voice shake even worse. Now, you’re sweating with fear and on the path to being the one who gets too drunk.
5. The one who is highly inappropriate
When I said I wouldn’t get offended if you ask about anything that has to do with my life outside of work, I didn’t mean anything. There is a fine line that shouldn’t be crossed.
Sure, we’re all adults, but we also have a professional relationship that needs to be respected. Just remember, we have to look each other in the face tomorrow morning.
6. The one who wants to be your new BFF
Without a doubt, this is my favorite person at the party. She might be all up in your biz, but her genuine effort deserves an applause.
Who doesn’t want an office bestie?!
7. The “Plus One”
Wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, hook-up buddy... you name it. I almost want to feel bad that these people are strung along, but then, I remember they’re getting free food and booze.
You can learn quite a bit about your coworkers based on a short conversation with the guests they bring.
That’s why I don’t bring a plus-one.