Turning South Beach To Sour Beach: What Legalizing Weed Would Mean To Miami

It's where basketball players come together to win titles, and rappers go to get fat. It's where the sun keeps shining -- unless there's a hurricane. It's where the woman are gorgeous and the Spanish girls don't exceed 5'2".

Miami is one of the most beautiful cities in the greatest country in the world, and now, it's about to get a serious upgrade.

That's because thanks to Florida Senator Dwight Bullard (D-Miami), there is now a serious push to legalize marijuana, meaning everything we love and appreciate about South Beach just got that much better.

The bill itself, SB1562, would let people 21 and older possess up to 2.5 ounces of weed at a time, and would also allow them to grow up to six of their own plants. Sounds good to me!

Let's take a closer look at how the culture down in Miami will really be effected by all of this.

Girls at the beach would be even hotter.


Women in Miami are already top-notch, but adding reefer to the mix would only enhance their badness and make it even harder for you to talk to them.

This is what your grandparents would be up to.

We all know old people love to live in Florida, and with weed to "ease their pain," they'll be busy all day trying to install Photoshop on to their new Mac. Keep the old people busy!

You'd want to "call a cab," but you'll be too stoned to do it.


One of the best things about living in Florida is the abundance of drinking establishments like Wet Willies. Surely there will be be a similar service for weed where no one will be needing to call a cab home. Actually, maybe they will!

Justin Bieber would have been arrested for driving too slow.


Weed makes you more conscious of your life choices and there's no way he would've sped. Then again, he is Canadian.

Michael Beasley would start looking like this again...


He'd also take a pay cut. No hair cut, though.

...And this is how Chris Bosh would be looking at LeBron.


Some people can't handle their smoke.

Rick Ross would be running around LIV looking like this.


He was clearly eating the weed monster's box.

The women would be a lot friendlier.

It can make anybody get along!

Your Spanish would vastly improve.

As long as it makes sense to you, right?