You Are Turning 24: Please Stop Making People Celebrate Insignificant Birthdays

by Ashley Fern

Ah birthdays — something every living person has, yet still something that needs to be blown out of proportion every single f*cking year.

When did birthdays become some sort of colossal celebration? When did we start needing to base our social calendars around one person's birthday? Why do we get guilt-tripped when we express the fact that we'd rather do absolutely anything else?

Your 18th birthday? Yes, you're legal. Your 21st birthday? Well that's just a rite of passage. But, 25? The last hoo-rah.

Any other birthday that falls in between any of these, or after, is essentially irrelevant and should be treated as such. Yup, sorry I said it, but you know you were thinking it.

But what are the aspect and factors that go into a birthday that make you want to rip your hair out?

You just need attention

Why do people blow their birthdays up like there is no tomorrow? Because these people crave attention. A birthday is the perfect way to achieve this without clearly seeming like a brat.

Think about what a birthday really is: It's the day you were brought into this world -- and when you put it in perspective, doesn't that seem a little ridiculous to force other people to celebrate?

I'm not even going to touch upon the fact that this day isn't only reserved for you, but that's just not a thought in any birthday celebrator's mind.

Facebook Events

Another day, another birthday Facebook event. I get it. It's the quickest way to reach out to all of your friends, but come on, do you need one for every single birthday you're going to celebrate?

The best part of this whole "practice" is that you never see people making these events for themselves. Chalk it up to "social suicide."

Instead the birthday diva riles up her besties to create said event. Only after it has been created does the birthday girl get added as a host.

Sound like a bunch of BS? That's because it is. Everyone knows the only thing Facebook is good for on birthdays is de-friending people.

No One Likes Obligations

Do you like being told what to do in your free time? Well, neither does anyone else. Without a doubt, there is a 100 percent greater chance I would be excited about celebrating your birthday if I didn't feel like I was obligated to do so.

Don't guilt-trip people and don't make them plan their lives around your birthday. Think about how ridiculous that sounds; you know if you had something better to do and the situation were reversed, you'd be doing exactly whatever it was that you wanted.

We Are All Broke... Except The Birthday Boy/Girl

If you are going to celebrate your birthday, you get one day to do so. I don't care that your real birthday is on a Thursday — you don't get a dinner Friday, a club night Saturday and a brunch on Sunday. YOU GET ONE ACTIVITY.

Unless you plan on footing the bill for all of the extraneous excursions, you cannot expect anyone else to do so. If you pick a dinner, you better keep in mind the fact that you aren't going to be spending a dollar, as (apparently) that is the unspoken protocol these days.

Middle of the week birthdays

This chart will help clear up any and all confusion when deciding which weekend you can deem your "birthday weekend." (No, this doesn't mean you get to celebrate all three days.)

If your birthday falls on a Sunday, Monday or Tuesday — celebrate the weekend before

If your birthday falls on a Thursday or Friday — celebrate the weekend after

If your birthday falls on a Wednesday— pick whatever day you want because that f*cking sucks

If your birthday is at midnight on what technically is Sunday — celebrate on Saturday

If your birthday is at midnight on what technically is Saturday  — You, lucky girl, are the ONLY person who can rationalize celebrating both on a Friday and Saturday night. Just do your friends a favor and only have one real celebration.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It