Hi, my name is Gigi Engle and I am a constant worrier.
Being someone who constantly worries is extremely stressful. It’s one of those personality traits you don’t want to have, but can’t rid yourself of, which, ironically, only makes you worry even more. Life is a cruel mistress sometimes, no?
When you constantly worry, you constantly come up with multiple scenarios -- all concluding in the demolition of your life.
You convince yourself: one, single solitary wrong move -- and everything you love is going to just disappear.
It’s a continuous state of paranoia, and it’s f*cking exhausting. You can feel your face aging from all of the stress — which makes you more stressed out about aging because now you’re going to die alone. See? It sucks.
These are 16 things only constant worriers will understand.
16. The smallest things can ruin your day.
You're constantly asking yourself if you left the oven on (even if you didn't cook) or if you left your door unlocked (you didn't). These little worries haunt you throughout the day and cause you to silently freak out.
You can literally feel your heart squeezing from the panic.
15. Your rituals are your saving grace.
You have a pattern, little behaviors to get you through the day. Missing one of these little rituals is enough to send you right off the deep end.
For me, I need to smoke a cigarette, brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair 35 times on each side and then, only then, can I go to bed. If I miss one of these things, I just won't be able to sleep.
Rituals keep you grounded because they're things you can control.
14. You’re constantly trapped inside your head.
You are always overthinking, biting your nails down to the root, thinking of every single, possible scenario in which your life can crumble before your very eyes. Try as you might, you simply cannot stop thinking. Constantly.
Half the time, you don't even know what you're feeling. You just know it feels like sh*t.
13. Relaxing gives you anxiety.
“Relaxing” is not calming for you. It makes you feel like you’re wasting your time. When you’re trying to take a load off and just have a little lie down, your heart immediately starts to race.
You don’t know why you’re taking a breather when you have so f*cking much to do.
It feels like you’re being unproductive, and you’re sure you’ll regret this later.
12. You feel like you should constantly be creating.
When you aren’t making something or creating something, you feel worthless. You find all of your value to be directly correlated to exactly what you’ve produced in a given timeframe.
You're never at ease when you aren’t working out your mind or doing something with your hands.
11. You overthink everything everyone says.
It doesn’t matter what someone says to you, you’re going to overthink it. If your boyfriend says he’s going to the gym and asks if you want to come, you assume he’s calling you fat.
If your friend says she liked the outfit you had yesterday, you assume she’s saying you look like sh*t today.
You know these negative thoughts are most likely not what they were trying to tell you — they have no malicious intent -- but you just can’t help seeing it that way.
10. Constructive criticism makes you squirm.
You want feedback, but when you get anything but positive reinforcement, it feels like a direct assault.
You try to tell yourself those offering you these comments are only trying to help you, but you can’t help feeling like you’re a complete and utter failure when something needs correcting.
9. You worry about not making an impression on the world.
You worry so much about mediocrity, you can feel the signs of aging appearing on your face.
You tell yourself to chill the f*ck out, but you’re horribly afraid everything you’ve done, and every accomplishment, will have been a waste of time.
8. You always think someone is talking about you behind your back.
You’re a paranoid person, no matter how often you attempt to lead people to think otherwise. You’re always looking over your shoulder, patiently waiting for someone to throw you under the bus.
Because of this, you have “supersonic” hearing — and by this, I mean if someone says your name from across a room, you always hear it and then freak the f*ck out (inside your head).
7. You feel like you’re always going to be late for everything.
...Even though you’re always 15 minutes early.
You check your Google maps 200 times before leaving the house just to make sure you know exactly how many blocks you need to walk before turning left to get on the train.
And should the train be delayed, well, let's just say you feel bad for the person standing next to you.
6. You’re awkward in social situations.
You’re so worried about making a bad impression, you come off as robotic and weird whenever you’re at a social gathering.
You try to make jokes and be charming, but it feels oddly calculated. You’re positive every single person knows you’re being a freak and is laughing about it behind your back.
5. When things are going well in your life, you’re just waiting for something to go wrong.
If things are going well -- and you convince yourself to enjoy everything and how well everything is going -- you know it's just a matter of time before they'll come crashing down.
Maybe you’ll get randomly evicted from your apartment tomorrow. Maybe your boss will decide he hates you and he fires you. Who knows! Ugh.
4. You have a hard time trusting people.
Your trust has never been, and will never be, something you give away freely.
You automatically assume the people you meet are not on your side — they're constantly judging you or plotting to one-up you in some way. Luckily, once you do trust someone, you do so completely.
Of course, anytime someone breaks your trust, it only becomes exponentially harder for the next person to get to that place with you.
3. You never truly feel comfortable.
Your mind is constantly wandering through your to-do list, even when you’ve finished all of your tasks for the day.
You just start creating a list for the next day, wondering if you should perhaps just start finishing those tasks, too.
You want to live in the moment, but you just can’t make your mind stick to one thing.
2. You dwell on the past.
You find yourself regretting things more often than you’d like to.
You want to just move on from mistakes you’ve made, and things that've gone wrong, but you can’t help but wonder how those things have shaped your present or how they’ll shape your future.
You’re the kind of person who says things like, “Well, if that hadn’t happened…” or “Well, last time…”
1. You’re afraid to take risks.
You want to take risks. You want to be a thrill seeker. You crave the excitement of new experiences. But your fear of the consequences is almost paralytic.
If you make the wrong decision about anything, you're convinced you'll completely obliterate the life you’ve worked so hard to build.
One wrong step and everything will be taken away from you.