25 Things You Never Have To Apologize To Your Roommate For
Living with someone is not natural. Sharing a space means sharing a life -- and sometimes life is a f*cking mess.
They say you don’t really get to know people until you’ve lived with them, but what they really mean is you don’t live with people unless you really want to get to know them.
You see everything they hide from the rest of the world. You are the lone witness to their dirty habits and worst moods. You see them at their lowest, drunkest and most irrational points. You share shower space, cabinet boards and fridge shelves.
You see what they eat and what they forget to throw away after three weeks. You see how much hair they collect and how much they manage to save in the drain. You see them in their true form, and you love them for that.
You love them because you have to. You love them because they’ve bared it all to you and let you into their weird little world. You love them because you’ve see them at their most vulnerable moments, and they’ve seen you.
They’ve seen your dirty laundry and those McDonald's wrappers in the trash. They’ve see you using their shampoo and watching eight hours of Netflix. They’ve seen you forgetting to brush your teeth and practicing that guitar you really should get tuned.
But all those things come second to the comfort you bring each other. There will always be this sanctity to your relationship because you are creating a home together. For the first time since living with your parents, you have your own space.
This is your nest, your cradle, your sacred spot that replaces the home your parents once built for you. It brings warmth and comfort, and the people in it are now the closest thing you have to a family.
At this point, they are the only ones you trust to see how you really are and how you really live. You know they accept you for all your flaws and mistakes. You know there are a million things you could apologize for, but you never have to because they’ve already forgiven you.
For creating a pool on the bathroom floor
She's been using your shampoo for the last two weeks. No harm, no foul, right?
For waking her up because you’re getting laid
She can't even be mad you're asking for a condom, she's proud you're being safe.
For stocking the fridge with cheap wine
It goes perfectly with the two wine glasses she recently found abandoned in someone’s trash.
For getting her hooked on bad TV
“Bad Girls Club” and “Geordie Shore” weren’t what she envisioned for her life, but she’s in too deep now.
For using her razor
Hair is hair, and as long as it’s not going in her mouth, it’s all good.
For borrowing her… everything
What’s mine is hers... and what’s hers is just always better.
For losing your keys for the 12th time
It’s just another reason for her to see you and hear the ridiculous story that came before the lost keys… and phone.
For doing the dishes three days after your oatmeal
She’s happy you’re remembering to eat breakfast and getting that fiber… but not too much.
For bringing over that guy with the horrible breath
She feels worse for you and enjoyed watching it play out in similar fashion to the horrible reality TV you've gotten her hooked on.
For making her love Olivia Pope more than her own mother
The only thing she resents is that she’ll never feel like an adequate woman now.
For letting the trash fill up
When you pull out another trash bag, instead, and hang it on the kitchen door she celebrates your inventiveness.
For giving a play-by-play on every date
She likes the details, even if they really aren’t necessary and she’s heard the story four times already.
For making her help construct long and unnecessary text messages
She likes that she has more conversations with your dates than you do.
For keeping Twizzlers on the top shelf
She looks at it as a good way to test her willpower.
For throwing a party on a random holiday
She’s finding the perfect liquor to commemorate the occasion.
For staying in bed all weekend with Netflix
What? You didn’t leave your room? She didn’t notice because she was doing the same thing.
For having a meltdown
Didn’t you hear that screaming in the bathroom earlier? It happens. She’d be more concerned if you were having them outside of the house.
For sneaking a cigarette inside the house
She likes to feel like she's in a jazz lounge for a day or two. She'll even put on some John Coltrane.
For leaving the door unlocked when you run out
She'll never admit it, but she's done it more than once.
For setting off the smoke alarm
At least it works...
For catching her watching porn
Is that the lesbian kind? Think you can send me the link?
For bringing the paper towels into the bathroom
Better that than someone's towel.
For making the place smell like weed
Her only stipulation is you must smoke her up.
For having sex in parts of the apartment she will sit in later
As long as there isn't a stain and it doesn't make her itch later.
For using her makeup, curling iron, straightener, blow dryer without asking
Just don't leave anything plugged in.
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