The clock hits 5 p.m. on Friday and your mind is completely out of work mode. Honestly, your brain probably checked out around 3 p.m. upon the arrival of the mass influx of texts asking what the evening game plan is going to be.
Your thoughts immediately drift to what you’re going to wear, what you’re going to drink and who you are going to go out with. Finally it’s the weekend -- that little thing that has been motivating you throughout the entire workweek.
Now is the time to put the week’s worth of stress behind you as you embark on a drunken journey that will take place over the course of 72 hours. After work, you hit the liquor store then head home in preparation for the evening’s festivities. What does the night have in store for you? Who knows -- but you can't wait to find out...
These are the stages of your drunken night out:
This is the transition phase of the night when you are heading from your apartment to the pregame. Chances are you are running late either accidentally or on purpose, as everyone knows it's like the rules of socialism to show up late or something of that nature. You have your game face on and are ready for whatever the night will bring.
Okay, so you’ve had your first few sips of alcohol for the night and you’re feeling it. You’ve loosened up a little and the conversation is flowing more easily than ever. All the insecurities you brought into the night are slowly fading away as you get more comfortable with your surroundings. Next step? Bring on the shots.
Well, you’re 8 shots deep and are more than feeling the effects. This is the point when you decide what kind of night you want to have: you can maintain this level or keep on going -- obviously you choose the latter because who only wants to be tipsy at the bar? Ain’t nobody got the money for that.
You are having the time of your life with your friends -- dancing on tables and any other elevated surface in sight. This is the peak of the night when everyone is getting along without a care in the world. No one is concerned with anything except partying and having a good time. Question of the hour: do I take more shots and risk a blackout or chill out in a drunken stupor?
Do I take this tequila shot or not? You’re already hammered at this point and you know that extra shot is going to throw you over the edge, but your friend just bought a round and how can you resist a free shot? I mean it’s just rude, right? WRONG. If you are questioning that last shot, play it safe and don’t take it.
Well, obviously you took that extra shot and at this point you have no idea where the F you are -- you could be in a random person’s bed or eating a pie of pizza at Artichoke. WHO KNOWS? You sure as hell don’t because your brain essentially stopped functioning over an hour ago. This is truly an out of body experience except that you are still held accountable for your actions. Better be careful as this is the point of the night when your future regrets are sure to take place.
It’s 7 a.m. and you wake up with a pounding headache because everyone knows the more you drink, the earlier you wake up. You can't even consider what you just experienced sleep -- it's more like you wake up when the alcohol has dissipated enough from your system for you to regain consciousness.
It literally feels as if a train is hitting you over and over and there's no stopping it. As you reach for your bowl to ease the ever so present aches and pain, you try to piece together your behavior from the previous night. You attempt, and fail, as you try to gather your dignity off your bedroom floor.