The 10 Signs You're The Thirstiest Dude In The Club

by Eddie Cuffin

As a man, there is nothing more appealing than walking into a nightclub packed with beautiful women from all over the world. Clubs provide a perfect setting for you to go in an enjoy yourself while potentially finding a suitable partner for the night. What more do you need than alcohol, hot girls and good music?

No girl wants to feel uncomfortable in the club, while we are all on the prowl and have our sights set on one goal, it is crucial that we do not make it obvious. Both men and women come here to find their mate for the evening, it's no secret.

Some people are just more desperate than others and at times it makes patrons feel awkward. No girl wants to find herself talking to the thirstiest man in the club. It's important you play it cool and carry on with your mission, just don't make your objective too obvious. Here are the signs you're the thirstiest dude in the club.

You're sweating profusely.

While you may be excited by all the beautiful women around you, it is imperative that you keep your cool. Although there are plenty of women for you to choose from, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to control your excitement.

If you aren't doing anything other than chilling at the table and you're somehow sweating like you just went through an intense cross fit session, then you have a problem. Drink some water and cool down, girls will know to keep away from you when they see your arm pits soaked through your shirt.

You name drop to make yourself seem more interesting.

There is nothing worse you can do to yourself than try to make yourself seem more important than you actually are. We get it. The nightlife scene is very superficial and all people really care about is who you are and what you're wearing. Girls easily get caught up in the lights and always want to be with someone who is part of the 'in' crowd.

However these girls are very good at weeding out the posers, they can tell when you're just trying too hard. If you begin name dropping to try and pick yourself up then she's going to sense it and know you're just trying to impress her. Don't waste your breath, no man should be out there name dropping just to impress a girl.

You're 4 drinks ahead of everyone at the venue.

Every man needs to enter such a setting with a game plan, just getting wasted and hoping for the best is never going to work. Although this may seem to work in the movies, remember it's fake. If you're the dude that just keeps ordering drinks for no reason then you need to reevaluate your plan.

There is no reason you should be chugging out of the bottle when no one has finished their first drinks yet. Calm down and take a seat, nothing screams desperate quite like the man who's drinking alone trying to get wasted and talk to girls.

You don't have any concept of personal space.

We understand that clubs may be small and cramped at times, especially when things are getting good, but everyone is entitled to their personal space. Girls know if they want to flirt with someone in the first few seconds of meeting him.

There is no way around this, if she is attracted to you, then she will talk to you -- there's nothing more to it. Don't be the man that just lingers and makes her feel creeped out by always bumping into her. If you can hear her conversation with her friend, then you're just way too close, back up and chill.

You always talk about the bottles that never seem to be coming to your table.

Kirill Was Here

We all know girls love their bottles with extra flares. Every girl in the club will turn her head when the flares go on to see where they go. Bottles are cool but you actually have to get them and getting the bill at the end isn't always fun.

If you find yourself constantly telling girls that the bottle is coming just so you can keep them around, know that they are eventually just going to leave. Don't be the one to keep promising a bottle that is never coming.

You try to lean in and kiss every girl that passes by you in the club.

This isn't your frat house in college where you can just go in and try to kiss any girl that walks by in hopes of having her lean in and kiss you back. There are only two types of people that actually make out in the club: people in a relationship and people who are just wasted.

If you're trying to meet a chick, being a creep and going for a kiss before you get her name is just straight up thirsty. Pull yourself together young fella no one wants to be seen making out in the club, this isn't college.

You wait with the girl while she's on line for the bathroom.

Purple Diary

We all know that the line for the bathroom can be quite long, especially the girl's line as they like to take their time when they go to the bathroom. You know they like to babble with their friends all before they finally chalk up some lines while other girls wait outside miserably.

As a man, there is no reason you should even waste your time waiting in line with a girl. That is some thirsty sh*t right there and maybe the club should install a water cooler just for you.

You're way too interested in when she's leaving and how she's getting home.


The difference between a gentleman and a thirst bucket is intention. If you just met this girl and you're already preoccupied by when and how she is going home then you're just being overzealous. You can't just go in and pretend to care about what she's doing after the club without even having a simple conversation. She's not stupid and knows exactly what you're trying to do. This is the quickest way to get rejected.

You offer her drugs before getting her name.

It is likely that girls in this scene like to party hardcore and yes this includes drugs as well. Many of the parties will lead to after parties and if you play your cards right, you will wake up next to someone in your bed.

However you need to be careful, it's all about timing and you can't be too eager or this will detract from all your work. It takes a lot of balls to approach a cute girl; however, don't put it all to waste by offering her drugs before you get her name. That's a no-no and it makes you seem extremely thirsty.

You just met her and you get defensive when she talks to other guys.

While jealousy may exist in a relationship, there is no reason you should find yourself being possessive of someone you just met. If you're the dude that gets possessive of a girl he just met, then you should probably return your alcoholic beverage and ask for a gallon of water. Quench that thirst home boy, there is no need to claim something that isn't yours in the first place.

Top photo courtesy Kirill Was Here