The Nightlife Dilemma: If You Buy Bottles, Will They Come?

by Paul Hudson

The problem with larger cities is the nightlife. To be fair, when it comes to small cities and towns, the nightlife scene is non-existent. Nevertheless, when it comes to going out and partying in a city like NY, guys have it hard. I’m not much of a clubber, but I’ve frequented enough of them in my time to get a clear understanding of how the social interaction works in such places.

The same thing that makes clubbing so wonderful can also make it awful. As far as it goes for guys, they’re not there to stand around in a circle and dance around — they’re there to get laid. And drunk. Preferably both.

Women may go out to bounce around and have a night out with their ladies, but they also want to dress up in high heels and short skirts so that men can undress them with their eyes. You can argue that this isn’t true, that some women really do just go out to have fun, but even if so, having men drool all over them is still a plus. The problem arises when we compare the reasons men and women go out to party.

Women may want to get laid, but their main priority is to have a good time, be looked at (not touched) by guys and get some free drinks. Guys, on the other hand, want to get drunk and hopefully find a girl that’s a light drinker so it doesn’t cost them too much to take her home.

Club owners understand this phenomenon and have created something that they like to call “bottle service” to maximize their profits. They hire modelish looking women, dress them up in tight black dresses that show tons of cleavage, and have them serve extraordinarily overpriced bottles of liquor to horny dudes while they sit or stand around a table.

This table then acts as a magnet for all the scrubs walking around in stilettos. They flock to the table — sometimes literally — and ask if they can hang out with the guys. If the girl is good looking enough — or if the guys are drunk enough or desperate enough by that point — they will oblige and share the holy bottle.

If the table doesn’t attract women like an open flame does flies, then the guys will send out a scout to lasso some up. The scout will then proceed to approach women with the best pick-up line in the world: “I got a bottle. Want to join the table?” The women will then walk over to join the rest of the lecherous males hovering over the shrine holding the bottle and ice bucket. The ladies will get a couple of drinks and make small talk.

Then one of four things will happen: the girls will get very drunk and welcome male advances; they will find a guy that actually want to sleep with and eventually leave with him; one of the girls won’t find anyone to partner up with and will drag the rest of her friends away from the table; or one or several of the girls will get alcohol poisoning and throw up all over the table and then be sent to the hospital.

I have seen each of these scenarios in person so trust me when I tell you that the outcomes do vary greatly. The question is whether or not getting that table was worth it. Was it worth spending $600+ for the night or not? What it boils down to is the type of guys that you have at the table and the type of women that you attract to the table. There are plenty of women out there that will f*ck you in the blink of an eye without even having to buy them a drink.

There are women that won’t f*ck you no matter how much liquor you pump into their system. And then there are the women that could go either way depending on how interested they are in one of the guys they meet or how quickly their inhibitions fall once they get drunk.

In all honesty, getting a table is not the worst idea if you have a bunch of friends whom are willing to split the cost. You will get just about the same bang for your buck as if you were grabbing drinks from the bar. The pluses are that you don’t have to struggle to get the bartender's attention (although cocktail waitresses aren’t easy to get a hold of either), you get a place to sit and don’t have to stand in the middle of a crowd, and you look like you have money even if you don’t.

When it comes down to it, tables will attract the women that like guys with cash and free booze — the women who are there to use the guy. At the same time, however, the guys that are buying these tables are just trying to use the women themselves… so no harm done.

If you’re going to clubs to find a woman to fall in love with then you must’ve fallen off some wagon. The only reason people go to clubs is to show off and find one-night stands — no other reason. Having a table with a bottle or two is an easy icebreaker and is the likeliest to get a hotter woman to talk to a guy who is in a league below hers.

Bottles can get you bitches as long as you know how to seal the deal; if you don’t then no amount of liquor will help you. Although, you have to beware of the women that will just pop in to get two free drinks and then “go to the bathroom” never to be seen again — or seen, but in the arms of another guy who didn’t have to buy a bottle. The truth is that if you have enough game, you don’t need a bottle. Bottles are for those that need a little extra help or just like to club in comfort.

Don’t buy a bottle thinking that it’s some sort of chick-magnet; it’s a scrub magnet if anything. You’re just as likely to close the deal without the bottle as you are with one, but grabbing that bottle does make introductions easier.

Photo credit: Kirill Was Here