“Ugh, I was sooo drunk last night, my bad,” says everyone at one point in their life. This is a go-to excuse we use to explain ourselves for our rather unexplainable behavior from the previous night. The actions we engage in while intoxicated are rarely those we would exhibit in a sober state.
Blacking out can, at times, be a sufficient excuse for those actions, since our drunken alter egos are often entirely different people than who we really are. Bright side? Mistakes are there to help us learn, so once we do fall into these traps, we can make the conscious (yeah, okay) effort to never act this way again.
The worst part of blacking out and not remembering anything is that the chances are pretty high of at least one person remembering your bat-sh*t crazy antics. These nights can be a lot of fun, but once something goes wrong, you never know what could happen next.
Let’s look at the worst scenarios we have all made the mistake of getting into during our most drunken stupors.
Getting into physical fights
Don’t fight - ever. Physical altercations are for the trashy. You look stupid, and the person you’re fighting with looks stupid. We get it - you’re both blacked out, but not everyone else is. People will remember this and bring it up at any chance they get. Don’t earn the rep as ‘the angry drunk.’
Well, this is awkward. One moment you were having the time of your life, and the next, you are collapsed in a pile on the floor. No one knows the right way to deal with a drunken person crying because they have thrown all rationale out the window.
You haven’t had a craving for McDonald’s fries in years, but for some reason, it is your drunken alter ego’s favorite meal. This is more regrettable than hooking up with someone you know you shouldn’t have.
Bringing home a hard nine, who is a soft five in the morning
So you wake up next to the hottie you were making out with at the bar the night before. You think, “Wow, this may be the one…” until a creature turns over, and you are left aghast. “Who the F*CK is this troll?!” Cue the fake (or in this case, real) vomit, which makes this person feel so awkward they have no choice but to leave.
Fixing your makeup
Never try to do your makeup when you are already drunk, or you run the risk of looking like Snooki. Buy some makeup-setting spray, and spritz over your face before going out. Don’t run to the bathroom at 1AM to reapply your eyeliner. Chances are, your hands are shaking, and your eyes are half closed anyway.
Whether it’s to your ex, or your late-night booty call, a drunk-dial is never a good look for anyone. Your “heyyyy, wath rea yuu doging” text message is a dead giveaway that you are completely inebriated and should be avoided at all costs.
Browsing social media
Never, ever, EVER do this. Nothing good comes from Facebook stalking while you’re drunk. You’ll end up liking or commenting on the wrong picture or the wrong status, you’ll friend request that person you hate, but always wanted to stalk, and the private message you thought you sent to your ex will actually show up as a wall post.
Spending money you don’t have
For some reason, when we’re drunk, we think we have endless funds. We refuse our friend’s offer to buy us drinks, and instead, offer to pay for the entire round of shots. What makes any of us think we can afford things like this with our Chase debit cards?
Cheating is a serious problem that cannot be excused with alcohol. Once this damage is done, there is no going back and erasing it. It doesn’t matter if you remember the incident, or not, you cheated, and you have to deal with the consequences.
Bitching out the bouncer
Don’t do this, or you will be banned from the Blind Barber. Oops! I mean… the bar. Bouncers are built to take sh*t because they will always have the upper hand. They have the power to refuse you access into whatever precious establishment they are guarding for the night. Smile and hand over your ID, but remember to keep your mouth shut.
Don’t make promises to people, which you have no intention of keeping, when you are drunk. Chances are, even though you won't remember doing it, the other person will. When you're making a promise to someone, you are basically bonding yourself to the other person. The more details you discuss during your intoxication, the more difficult it will be to escape from commitment.
Getting a tattoo
Sure, it may sound cool in theory, as all your buddies egg you on to get that mustache tattoo, but come the next morning, this will be a huge regret you cannot take back. You will be stuck with this permanent mark forever, whether you like it or not.
Becoming friends with the person you hate
Why the f*ck do people make this mistake? You don’t like this person for a reason, so why would you think drinking with them is a smart idea? This is going to be really awkward the next time you see him or her, so be careful.