Throughout the past handful of years, Facebook has established itself to be as much a part of American culture as apple pie. It’s become a part of our everyday lives, and for some reason, we can’t get enough of it.
Facebook supports over a billion users, approximately 90 percent of whom are insufferably annoying. So, without further ado, check out the 10 worst people you will meet on Facebook.
1. The Wildcard
Within a day of accepting this person’s friend request, you'll regret your decision. This person has a political agenda that would leave Fox News speechless, and he or she wastes no opportunity to express social or political views. Not every polarizing thought requires a status update, but the wildcard obviously didn’t get the memo.
2. The Viral Friendship
These two people insist on having conversations on each other’s Facebook walls rather than a more personal (i.e.: reasonable) communication device. Someone needs to introduce these buddies to those cool things called cell phones.
3. The Humble Narcissist
People who fall within this category are downright nauseating. Publicly announcing an accomplishment once in a while is fine, but consistently posting self-promotional news is more than a tad narcissistic, and more importantly, it's f*cking annoying.
This stereotype also includes the people who post humble-brag photos of how they spent their vacations, then post statuses about how they can’t wait to get back home. That’s not how it works — if you were just laying on the beach drinking all day (for days), you aren’t allowed to be homesick.
This also applies to you if you love posting grades and GPAs on your page. Congratulations on that 3.6, but I don’t really care, you self-congratulatory assh*le.
4. The Complete Creep
This guy “likes” everything. Any new profile picture a girl throws up, this kid’s the first one to communicate his approval. I’m not saying I don’t understand his motives, but there are thousands of free porn sites on the Internet — relax on stalking some poor girl’s spring break album from four years ago.
5. The Conspiracy Theorist
These people are the most annoying individuals on the planet with Internet access. They are the first to point out any enigma or inconsistency in the days following a national tragedy, disaster or breaking event. Stop trying to push your highfalutin intellectualism during times of stress.
6. The Gender Defender
Every time I scroll through my newsfeed, I see at least one status about how “guys are pigs” or why “girls are bitches.” It's one thing to be angry with someone, but something completely different to point out (misguidedly) your frustration at half of earth's population via social media.
The fact that your girlfriend didn't text you back at 3:45 am doesn't mean that the entire female demographic is comprised of "complete whores." It just means she got bored of decoding your drunk texts — or went to sleep.
Next time you intend to post a status of this nature, consider entertaining the idea that your relationship struggles may not be a product of the opposite sex. Maybe you’re the problem.
7. The Photographer
We Heart It
First came the mobile upload — the “mupload.” Posting a photo of a sunset with a Corona bottle and some Drake lyric as the caption doesn’t make you a photographer. Neither does posting slightly discolored macaroni and cheese. Sorry. I don’t need to see the artistic interpretations of your mundane life as created by filters.
8. The Complainer
Is there anything worse than people complaining about stupid sh*t on Facebook? While extreme poverty, widespread disease and civil uprisings reign supreme in other regions of the globe, apparently, no one is having a more difficult week than your Facebook friends.
One scroll through your newsfeed is all you need to do in order to confirm that everyone you know is having the worst week of their lives.
Also, nobody cares how much schoolwork you have. Stop posting statuses and chug a Red Bull like the rest of us. You could have used all that time you spent researching the girl in your ex's most recent profile picture to finish that essay that’s due in six hours.
9. The "Way Too Much Information" Crowd
A word of advice: Future employers look at your Facebook now, and I’m pretty sure that your “just smoked a blunt” status isn’t going to impress your interviewer — not a good look.
It’s cool that you enjoy music, but definitely don’t upload that video of you passed out, face down in the mud during that Grateful Dead cover band concert.
And if you make the risky choice to sell drugs, don’t make a status about how you just picked up a few ounces and everyone can hit you up about it. Law enforcement officials are likely to be your first customer — you just publicly admitted to illegal activity.
10. The Fake Account
The worst people on Facebook are the ones who don't actually exist in the real world. I don't know why fake accounts exist, but you're guaranteed to come across them. It makes little to no sense whatsoever, and normally occurs as follows:
You notice you have a friend request from someone in Montana. You have never even vacationed west of Pennsylvania, but this person might be an old friend who moved, so you click on her picture. You see that her name is Janeta Cunningham.
After you’re done confirming that Janeta is a fake, bullsh*t name, you notice that you share zero mutual friends. It's perfect opportunity to spark a friendship that could last a lifetime!
Then you peruse her recent activity. Everything is incredibly generic. Her only two 'likes' are “How I met your Mother” and “The United States.” Not a bad set of preferences, but the fact that she has only posted two photos in the past three years is somewhat sketchy. Oh, and she only has 11 Facebook friends.