14 Seemingly Harmless Things To Never Text After Midnight

by Cazey Williams

It’s after midnight. You’re laying in bed, unable to sleep. Finally, you get on Facebook. You see a specific person is online or maybe, he or she liked an Instagram post of yours.

Or worse, you were already thinking about this person before you got on social media and you're looking for a reason to strike up a conversation.

In your head, you compose a myriad of text messages that you can send to win back an ex or reveal your true feelings to a close friend.

And, even if it's a totally innocuous text, you really can't send it until the light of the day without seeming abrupt, creepy, deranged or all of the above. You know the desire to send that message will dissipate by dawn.

So, in honor of that odd pocket of time in the night, here’s a compilation of all the texts and actions you shouldn’t do between 11 pm and 7 am. It is quiet hours, after all:

The totally not innocent text.

“Why did you screenshot my friend’s dog in my Snapchat story? (And, do you like me?)”

"Omg, I just heard our song." It came up on my Spotify randomly; I didn't seek it out, I swear.

"Hey, how are you? Long time, no talk. Just thought of you randomly."

No, I thought of you three days ago, I keep thinking about you, and my willpower is at its weakest 17 minutes 'til 3 am, so I'm giving in. I won't take offense if you don't respond. Actually, it's better if you don't respond; I can forget I ever sent this.

"Did you see that picture of [mutual friend of ours]?"

I hope you did, so we can have a conversation at 2 am about it, and maybe, it will be a mildly seductive conversation. (This text is acceptable if texting your best friend minus the seductive part.)

"It's crazy I'm awake right now, and you live in China. Are you up, too?"

Similarly, the bait-and-hook Snapchat.

You Snapchat “I can’t sleep” to someone — AKA, “thinking of you.” You then add something about insomnia to your Snapchat story so you can argue, “I wasn’t directing that only at you, but you are the only one I sent it directly to. Not that that means anything … unless you want it to mean something.”

The ask-out.

This is a pretty straightforward message. However, it’s also cowardice if you can’t send it between 12 and 8 pm.

Examples include:

"Hey, do you want to get coffee this week?"

“Hey, are you free tomorrow night? We should get dinner.”

Confession time.

"Staring at my ceiling in the dark reminds me of you."

"I decided my biggest regret in life is not kissing you two years ago." TMI?

"You were in my dream."

It was actually a nightmare because you’re not here, and that's why I'm awake now. But, why not text you before I go pee and stub my toe in the dark?

“I don’t think I should visit you this weekend because I’m coming for the wrong reasons, like to break you guys up.”

The sulk — AKA, you do nothing.

Well, you do do something: You click through someone's Facebook albums. Let me peruse these 300 plus photos of you in Italy three summers ago. Oh, no, my laptop battery is dying. I could go to bed — or I could just move the charger closer to my bed.

You accidentally like a photo.

Oops. You quickly unlike it and hope the person never sees it. But what if he or she saw it and texted me about it? We could chat… Actually, no, I hope he or she just didn't see it.


"Sorry, I just liked that photo of us from three years ago, lol" Except I'm not actually laughing.

Except I'm not actually laughing.

“El oh el at asking for your relationship status on Facebook. ‘Twas an accident. But are you single?”

The message you don’t send.

You see the green dot beside the person’s name on Facebook messenger. You start typing, “Hey, you’re up late,” then you eeny-meeny-miny-mo before backspacing to “Hey.” Then you backspace to nothing.

The middle-of-a-conversation conversation starter.

While this is childish, you shoot a text out that goes, “Yeah, that was so funny.” You count to 30, but you really only reach 10 and then send, “Oops, that was to my other friend. But what are you up to?”

The booty call.

Need I say more?

Get sh*t done email.

“Hi, everyone, here is the agenda for Monday’s exec meeting. Maggie, have you reserved the space yet for our upcoming event? George, how is the budget looking? Also, notice: I am sending this email at 3:13 am.

So, no excuses for not getting stuff done. Make time, people.”

The callout.

You recall all the grievances others have had committed against you, petty or not. You get worked up, and then you send a text. The message might begin like this:

“Hi, Joel, I really don’t appreciate…”

Then there’s this: "Hahaha I'm deleting old texts, and I saw you never answered the text I sent you three months ago. Do you have an answer now?"

The alarmist.

Suddenly, whatever you have to say can't wait. You absolutely can't fall asleep without letting the other person know your feelings. So here it goes:

"I think your boyfriend's going to propose soon. I don't even know him, but it's February, and he looks basic. DON'T GET MARRIED."

Truth or truth?

"Would you be upset if I broke you and your boyfriend up? (And, how fast is your average rebound?)" All and all, you probably shouldn’t do any of these things, even in the light of day.