TBT Group Projects: 15 Signs You Were The Assh*le Who Didn't Do Any Work

by Lauren Martin

Group projects were one of two things: the most work you’d ever done in your life or the least work you’d ever done for a grade.

They were either the bane of your existence or the one thing you forgot to worry about all together.

If you were part of the latter group, you should either be shamed by society or praised for your valiant efforts to work the system and not give a f*ck if anyone thought you were an assh*le.

That kind of dedication and serious no-f*cks-given attitude definitely has some advantages.

Because we all know none of your classmates were actually going to say anything to you, we were all too chicken-sh*t of insulting our own shadows to actually be upfront with anyone.

So for that one person who had enough balls and arrogance to leave the rest of the group hanging, to decidedly not answer emails or show up to group meetings without even a “sick” excuse, this is for you.

If you’re still not sure if you were that person or not, here’s all the proof you need that you were definitively the assh*le of the group:

You opted to put together the PowerPoint

That was your Hail Mary. The night before the project, your conscience would kick in and so the group couldn’t say you did absolutely nothing, you decided putting together the pages of the PowerPoint would give you some stance in court.

Your group just stopped talking to you

When you were given time to work on the project during class, your classmates refused to look or talk to you when going over the tasks.

You were most likely sitting at the edge of the table, trying to look like part of the team until you eventually just resigned yourself to the silence.

You were no longer on the email chain

You weren’t just not answering them, you weren’t getting them anymore.

What they didn’t realize, however, was the big “f*ck you” they were trying to make just made you feel that much less guilty.

You had to add your name to paper right before they handed it in

Those f*ckers. They made sure that your name would appear in scratched blue or black ink (or worse, pencil) underneath their neatly-typed signatures. But hey, a name’s a name.

You did the name introductions during the presentation

You made sure you were the one to talk. You did the introductions and, if you could remember, maybe what your project was about.

You started sweating when teacher handed out last-minute evaluations

This was the worst part. Depending on how invested the teacher was, your grade was either a B or a D. You just had to hope she was a slacker in her day.

You brought in food as bribery to do less work

Who hates on donuts and milk? It doesn’t matter what you say when your teacher and the rest of the class are shoving their faces with powdered sugar.

You were suddenly really nice to your teammates on the last day

Heyyyyyyyy, guys. If your work wasn’t there, your charm would be. If you were cool, hot or personable, you had a good shot of making them forget how much you actually suck.

Someone in the group had to ask you what your job was

Whoa, back off. Am I right? What’s anyone’s job in this world? Aren’t we all doing the same thing? Isn’t this a team effort?

You did a really good job of reminding them that a group project meant equality in all roles.

You did a lot of staring

You may not have been the best presenter, but you’re damn good at standing your ground.

While your classmates went on about a project you so clearly weren’t a part of, you could stand there like a true hero and absorb the shame.

When the audience asked questions, you pretended not to notice

It was like standing in front of a firing squad. You were just praying none of your classmates were evil enough to want to see you squirm.

When you had to go off PowerPoint, you just rambled words

There are 30 slides and four people, but you only had the name introduction slide and “project description” slide.

To make yours look longer, you split the “project description” into four more, one sentence, pages.

You read every line on the PowerPoint like it was a question

Considering it was your first time seeing it, you couldn’t help but stumble through the words like a foreign language.

As confident as you tried to sound, it was clear this was your first time looking at it. Wait, we do chemistry in here?

If anyone confronted you, you freaked out

Oh, you'd go there. Whether it was that you had to spend two nights in the hospital when your brother broke his arm or you're going through personal "family stuff," there was no line you wouldn't cross.

You just straight-up lied on your group evaluation

Your last Hail Mary. You said you did part of every job, most likely task manager.

While you didn't do one specific job, directly, you had your hands in all the pots. How would I grade myself? Oh, definitely an A.