What It's Like To Have Self-Sabotaging Behavior And Why We Do It


What exactly is self-sabotage, and why the hell do we do it? Over and over again…

Why do we work so hard in the gym and then binge on cupcakes when we get home? Why do we set ourselves a goal and then make a considerable effort not to reach it?

Why do we make promises to ourselves we don’t intend to keep? Do you even realize when you are doing this to yourself?

For me, this was not the case. I didn’t even know what the words "self-sabotage" meant. I had heard them being flung around, but I certainly hadn’t paid too much attention.

I was doing things that made me absolutely miserable.

I was drinking too much, eating to deal with my emotions and keeping myself so busy, I barely had time to shower, let alone deal with my issues.

I was seeing the wrong types of guys, making myself feel bad about it and then I would do it all over again the following weekend.

In my experience, both with my clients and myself, self-sabotage is a way of punishing yourself when you feel out of control and when you have unmet desires and needs. You basically live on an emotional roller coaster.

Ladies, listen up. We have some old, deeply ingrained feelings that we don’t deserve what we are working for. So, we find a way to sabotage our efforts. This might be a conscious or an unconscious decision.

I am writing this article to make ladies around the world aware of our own behavior because a lot of it is automatic, like a knee-jerk reaction.

This reaction is controlled by the subconscious and the millions of thoughts shooting around in your head each day. Once you are aware, you can start to adjust your behavior and look for solutions to overcome the self-sabotaging things we all do in each day.

Here are some of the common forms of self-sabotage my clients struggle with:

1. Procrastination (not making time to finish what you started)

2. Unmet Dreams (having inspiration and ideas but never doing anything about it)

3. Anger (disrupting relationships and continuing negative patterns)

4. Feeling Empty (exaggerating other people's achievements and ignoring your own)

5. Lack of Commitment (to a person or task, usually fuelled by fear and a lot of negative self-talk)

Your self-sabotaging behavior can also look like the following:

1. Spending time on Facebook when you are so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open

2. Promising to exercise and then snoozing your alarm continuously

3. Lying to yourself about money and then doing huge amounts of retail therapy

4. Pretending to be "fine" instead of asking for help when you need it

Essentially, all you are doing is breaking promises to yourself and lowering your self-confidence. We all know that as smart and savvy women, this is the last thing in the world we need. We are already so hard on ourselves.

Self-sabotaging is a way of confirming negative thoughts and patterns about yourself.

So, what can we do about it?

To overcome a challenge, you need to first be aware of it. Once you can see where your behavior is causing you a headache, you have no more excuses.

What are we going to do about it?

If I try to punish myself anymore, usually I just do worse and wind up deeper in sh*t than before.

I talk myself into a dark corner in an empty room. I convince myself that no one, and I mean no one, would come to my rescue. It’s sad; it's getting old, and it just doesn’t work for me anymore.

With this in mind, I now choose to treat myself with kindness and love. I focus on how I can overcome a bad habit gently. This builds my confidence to tackle the next habit and make some progress in my life.

1. I choose one habit I want to change and get to work.

2. Little by little, I expect progress; things don’t happen instantly.

3. I have patience with the process.

4. I start to see small signs that things are changing and feel inspired.

And, so, I ask you, do you have any self-sabotaging habits? What are they and how do you plan to deal with them?