The last time I received a Valentine’s Day card from a man was in 2012.
This particular card was purchased by my grandfather without my knowledge and sent to me under a false pseudonym.
Not having ever had a “secret admirer,” I misconstrued this act of kindness for some random, old, fat peeping Tom who lives down the block.
My grandfather has a round jolly belly and is well over 80 years old. Did I feel like an assh*le once I found out? I sure did.
The last time a man bought me flowers was in 2010. This man was my college boyfriend at the time who had, just a few months before, during Christmas, “[gotten] me a necklace,” but never physically gave it to me.
A new bag and flowers on Valentine’s Day were a thoughtful attempt to show he cared, but all I kept chirping about was the stupid necklace, which I later found out went to his prissy sister.
Did I play the guilt card? Sure did.
The last time I had a magic Valentine’s Day meet-cute was in 2014. I met a charming blonde haired, blue-eyed man in a bar on a snowy Valentine’s Day night out. We met eyes; I made the move, numbers were exchanged and voila!
Voila should’ve been us at the end of the night engaging in a sweet first kiss, but instead, I got hammered and woke up without a phone or coat, in a lovely apartment I thought was my friend’s, but turned out to be an apartment owned by a nice Swedish couple three doors down from my friend.
Did these people take pity on a drunken soul in the night, clawing at their door? Sure did.
I guess you could say I don’t have the best track record with Valentine’s Day. It might be an unlucky time of the year for me, or just funny coincidences I’m supposed to laugh at later with my girlfriends.
I don't believe it has any correlation with my dating life, which has not had the best track record, either. But, at least that aspect of my life I have control over -- as in “no, I will not re-download Tinder for the third time…”
It was only after I watched Noah and Ally from "The Notebook" dance in the street on their first date did I realize: Valentine’s Day expectations are complete BS, and why can’t someone dance with me in the street?!
Case and point: Romance novels, movies, TV shows and the like blast our psychosis with messages of intimacy and love, putting the expectations on the highest pedestal. For instance, if he didn’t go to Jared, then why the f*ck get me anything at all?? It's cray.
We love to hate this holiday when we are single. We trash-talk it like it’s every contestant on this season’s "The Bachelor" (you know you do, don’t lie).
But, when we have a real live Valentine, we completely go overkill on expectation.
And, god forbid he or she didn’t get more creative or heartfelt this year! It's a lose-lose for this holiday, and it shouldn’t be. It’s a celebration of love, people, not love-to-hate, in either case.
It was somewhere in between Noah screaming at Ally about writing her every day for a year (insert single tear streaming down my face), and me shoving Kit Kats in my face that I thought, “Better to have a valentine than none at all? Or better to celebrate it than not celebrate at all?”
Aha! Despite how in-your-face it can be, don’t let Valentine's Day wear you down. Love is uplifting, and its holiday should be, as well. It’s not a holiday designed to make single people feel alone, so get over that. It's a holiday that makes you believe in love.
Come on, you can’t help but smile at a guy walking down the street with a bouquet and think, “Lucky gal.” Everyone wants to believe in love -- there’s no doubt about that.
So, I believe Valentine’s Day gives us the right to celebrate love. We just need to dial it back a bit and accept it for the holiday of “drinking with your solo lady friends” or “picking out silly V-day cards that have pictures of old couples on them and labeling them ‘you’ and ‘me.’”
Those out there shaking their heads and scoffing off the whole bit, I get it; save the chocolate for your visit from Aunt Flow. But, maybe buy yourself some flowers, a four-pack of Barefoot mini bottles and head over to the "50 Shades of Grey" release.
The old saying, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” definitely applies.
Take me, for example; I’ll be decorating the shipping box full of seasonal beers for my valentine with heart stickers, then probably find out four out of the five bottles broke during transport.
But, hey, that’s just my luck, right?