Wow, I don't know who pissed off whom, but this April is shaping up to be a real fuck-show.
Four — that's right, FOUR — planets are going retrograde this month.
So, get ready to meditate with a grenade in both hands.
Basically, our entire lives will feel like a game of whack-a-mole. Once we overcome one hurdle, we'll run directly into the next one.
Each planet's retrograde will rule over a different area of our lives, and the following guide will help you learn exactly how to handle the challenges as they come:
Venus retrograde until April 15
Venus has been in retrograde since March 4, so you've probably already been feeling the effects of the planet of love, beauty and money in those areas of your life.
You may have been focusing on healing any issues or blocks that you've been feeling in regard to your ability to give or receive love, or to earn money by doing what you love.
Relationships that haven't been working may have come to a close, or you may have finally gotten out of a job that you haven't been fully invested in.
You could be moving on to something you truly love, or you may have been reflecting on what you want from your next partnership.
Either way, you are strengthening your bond to yourself and to what is truly important to you.
Saturn retrograde on April 6
Saturn retrograde only occurs once a year.
Thank GAWD above for that because there is nothing tougher than the taskmaster planet when it goes into retrograde.
This is going to be a time when you face your fears, responsibilities and goals head-on.
You'll be rethinking your career path and what you have to do to get where you want. And you'll do it, even if it scares you.
This sounds motivating, but when Saturn goes retrograde, it feels anything but.
The thing about Saturn retrograde is, it forces us to do the right thing, not the fun thing.
Generally, it's only motivational in retrospect.
The next time we're faced with a challenge that seems insurmountable, we can look back at the hill we climbed while Saturn was in retrograde on that rainy spring in April and see how far we've come.
Mercury retrograde on April 9
We all know the shit circus that is Mercury retrograde.
It's become a widely respected and feared planetary movement.
But Mercury retrograde is more of an inconvenience than anything else, and compared to the other retrogrades we have going on, this one won't seem so bad.
If you're not familiar with Mercury retrograde, this is the planet of communication.
There will be breakdowns in communication, misunderstandings, technological difficulties and travel delays.
Pretty much every part of our everyday life is affected, unless, of course, you live in the woods with no WiFi.
The positive side of Mercury retrograde is, it gives us the opportunity to get in touch with old contacts, to edit, rethink and clarify our thoughts and to make home improvements.
Pluto retrograde on April 20
Let's start with the bright side.
Pluto retrograde is a great time to remove toxic energy from your world, to discard old objects you'd like to let go of and to cleanse your entire life of negative people, habits and beliefs that no longer serve you.
Having Saturn in retrograde will certainly help you with this.
Pluto is a planet of transformation, meaning we will all have to face our "shadow self" in order to usher some light into our lives.
Be aware of any situations where you might be projecting your own unconscious baggage on to someone else, and get honest with yourself about it.
With Pluto being in retrograde for the next five months, you may feel this happening at a slow burn.
You'll probably come to terms with your own underlying motivations.
For instance, are you working out every day for your health, or are you doing it to grasp on to a sense of control?
Are you working hard in your career for your own sense of self-esteem, or are you doing it to prove something to your parents or some other authority figure?
This sounds dark, but it's one of my favorite planets.
Pluto allows us to really dig deep and find out what is making us tick.
By facing our demons, we are given the opportunity to purge them from our lives and purify ourselves, becoming more authentic every day.