If you're a girl living in NYC who loves, likes or even just dabbles with partying, odds are, you've heard of Troy Gordon.
He's everyone's club promoter, and personally, I like him because he's not really creepy, which is rare.
If you're unclear on what a "club promoter" does, let me fill you in.
They basically have a list of hot girls they text to come out to whatever club is supposed to be fun that night, and they get those girls free bottle service.
This makes for a lot of text threads that look like this:
(This is my conversation with Troy, and I guess I never want to go to Marquee on a Wednesday. SUE ME.)
But as "everyone's" club promoter, you're texting a WHOLE LOT of chicks. That makes for a ton of hilarious conversations when people actually do respond.
Troy, being the great humanitarian he is, blessed us by sharing the funniest ones he receives on his Instagram page. And I share them with you here:
This girl wants him to hook her up with a BF.
Oh, that guy!
Awwww, matchmaker alert!
Make her look like wifey material, Troy, C'MON!
The heart wants what the heart wants though, right?
So... she's not going out.
What does that... mean?
She'll be back as soon as she pops that baby out!
This girl's got some conditions.
Ugh, stupid boob job getting in the way of partying!
Then, there's this girl who, like, REALLY wants Troy to stop texting her.
And finally, there's this girl who I hope feels better soon.
So what's the takeaway here? Next time you think you sent some embarrassing texts last night, read these and CHILL OUT.
At least you didn't tell a random club promoter you have diarrhea and you're vomming OR that your friend's trying to get with the guy with the face tat
And if you think these are bad, I talked to Troy myself, and he said, "There are lots of others that are way worse [than the ones on Instagram], but I can't post them because I don't want people being able to figure out who the person is."
Worse than what we just read?!? LET YOUR IMAGINATIONS RUN WILD, MY FRIENDS.