Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby: The Unspoken Rules Of Our Hook-Up Culture

by Nikki Vee

Let’s talk about sex. I don’t know why nobody wants to talk about it. Why is everyone so afraid of even saying the word?

If you can download an app that exists solely to help you get it, you should be able to speak freely about it because if you are going to be doing it, there are some things about it you need to know.

The way we connect now is completely different than the way we connected 10 years ago. Texting, FaceTime, social media and our obsession with sharing everything has changed relationships, how we date and how we hook up.

College dating is complicated enough before you add that weird “just talking"/liking each other’s Instagram photos/posting to each other's walls phase.

There is an unspoken code of conduct that is in place for the hook-up culture Millennials created. So let’s talk about it:

If You Don’t Feel Comfortable Talking About It, You Shouldn’t Be Doing It

This might just be the most important thing you read today. If you have been sharing a bed with the same person for the last month, but don’t feel like you can tell him or her what you like and don’t like, you shouldn’t be sharing your bed with him or her.

Maybe you shouldn’t be sharing your bed with any person for that matter.

What you do with your body is your business and your business alone, but if you cannot advocate for that body, then perhaps you should rethink your decision.

I know it's fun to sit with your friends and gossip about last night’s escapades — I do it, too. If your friends are the only ones with whom you can talk about what you did last night, you have a problem.

If you want to get to know your teaching assistant from philosophy in the biblical sense of the word, it's your prerogative, but you also need to be able to tell said TA the thing he did with the feather duster is never happening again.

One Night Together Does Not Guarantee Anything

I have wiped tears off more faces than I would like because the guy from the bar didn’t call or text after he left some morning.

We need to face the facts. In this day and age, one night —no matter how great it was — does not guarantee anything.

One night does not come with any promises of forever or dinner next week or even hello the next time you see each other. If that’s not something you can live with, don’t participate in one-night stands.

Yes, I know, sometimes one night can, in fact, turn into forever, but just like we learned in, "He’s Just Not That Into You," that's the exception, not the rule.

I know your mom said you are special, but in this case, you probably aren’t. Assuming one night will turn into your very own fairytale makes you seem very crazy.

Also, nine times out of 10, that great connection you think you had was just a ploy to get you in bed. Don’t fall for it.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose

Ladies, if a guy straight-up tells you he is not looking for anything, you can’t get mad because he does not want to cuddle or spend the night.

I don’t know why some people assume guys are just kidding or don’t really mean it when they say they don’t want relationships, but I promise they are being honest.

He is not trying to do some weird reverse psychology when looks you in the eye and says, “I’m not looking for anything right now.”

Getting mad at him for staying true to his word makes you seem nuts and gives the rest of us a bad reputation.

Guys, if a girl steals your line of, “not looking for anything right now,” it does not make her slutty. You cannot fault her for doing the exact same thing you do.

Firstly, that’s not fair. Secondly, it makes you a douchebag. When she told you this was just a one-night thing, she was doing you the courtesy of being open and honest.

Your bruised ego does not give you the right to call her a whore or say she’s bad in bed.

Be Safe

This should not be an unspoken rule — this should be very spoken. Use protection. Just do it. This isn’t funny; it’s not a joke.

Your health should always be a priority. If someone tries to pressure you not to use protection, leave.

Fifteen minutes of fun is not worth exposing yourself to the risks of a STI. So, be safe — you probably won’t get pregnant and die if you aren’t, but you will be freaking out that you might.

To quote modern philosopher Lil Wayne, “Safe Sex is Great Sex.”