You're So Exotic: 14 Things You Should Never Say To A European Woman

by Karla Nogolica

The grass is always greener on the other side, whether it’s the other side of the fence or in this case, the Atlantic.

People are generally attracted to anything that's in deficit, rather than surplus, but rarely is anything so exotic as Europeans in America.

I encountered many stereotypes, on both sides. (Newsflash: Not every American phone number starts with 5-5-5.) Many of them being the "American Pie" and "EuroTrip" way of seeing European females.

We all know there are no rules to the art of picking someone up; women know it, men know it and the bartenders watching you definitely know it. However, if you were to encounter a Euro expat, try to stay away from these 14 lines:

1. "Hey, you know I’ve never slept with a European?"

Seriously, no matter the continent, did that ever work?

2. "I like my women how I like my drink (holding a white Russian)."

Learn your geography first. Unless she’s Russian, in which case, it still isn’t all that kosher.

3. "You know I’m European, too. My grand grandmother's brother-in-law was half Polish."

Knowing someone European doesn’t make you European. Unless the American government is willing to consider the same for us. Goodbye, visas.

4. "Croatian? You don’t look Asian at all."

Know your continents. Really, it’s better to admit to not knowing the country. We won't hold it against you if you don’t know of a country whose population is smaller than Manhattan's.

5. "European? Oh, I’ve been to/love Paris."

Yes, Paris is nice, but not the capital of Europe. This one I can vouch for guys, too, I’ve seen French guys turn around and leave after that sentence.

6. "You sound like an evil villain."

Yeah, that is rarely a compliment.

7. "I mean, we could totally get married if you need a green card."

Yeah, no. We’re not doing that. When did it become socially acceptable to pick up chicks by popping the question?

Plus, you’re insulting our intelligence and ability to stay in the country by our own means.

8. "No way you’re foreign! Your English is too good; my friend has been here for 13 years, and he doesn’t speak it this well."

Surprise, I don’t sound like Boris the Blade. Also, this says more about your friend than me.

9. "Oh cool, so you would be down for a threesome?"

Back to number one -- seriously?

10. "So your first time was at like 14?"

Yes, clearly it’s a law in the country of Europe ... NOT.

11. "Europeans are just so exotic."

There are many words to describe Europeans. Exotic is not the first that comes to mind. When you say exotic, I imagine umbrella drinks, palm trees and sandy beaches.

12. "You’re from X? Oh, I have a friend from there; maybe you know him/her."

Okay, I admit it: One out of 10 times someone has told me this, it was true. If you want to take your 10 percent chance of success, go for it.

13. "Say something in your language."

I can see the appeal of this, but honestly… no, just don’t.

14. "Maybe it is time America invades your territory. Invade and conquer."

Thinking about our war history probably isn't the best way to get our freaky on.