All Hope Is Lost: You Can Now Purchase A Clip-On Man Bun
Imagine you're on a date with a rather strapping man.
The date consists of dinner and drinks. You stay and talk over wine until the restaurant closes down.
He walks you home. You think, "screw it," and you invite him in.
Everything is going well. You start getting intimate on the couch. You have the urge to spice things up and reach for his luscious-looking man bun. You go to give it a little love tug when, suddenly, HIS BUN RIPS OFF HIS HEAD.
You start apologizing profusely, thinking you just ripped your date's hair out, when it hits you: His bun was never even real.
Instead, it turns out, his bun was purchased for $9.99 on Groupon. Yeah, your dream date just became a nightmare.
But, this is reality, baby. Because Groupon really is selling clip-on man buns for under $10.
Here's how the discount site describes this heinous product of the fashion devil:
One of the hottest trends in men’s fashion, the man bun has been popularized by fixed-gear bicyclists and introspective Hollywood actors alike. But although the hairstyle oozes with fashion sense, those who sport it might find themselves outcasts in sports bars, motorcycle gangs, and the annual government-mandated machismo test. This attachable—and, equally important, detachable—man bun lets you blend in with your surroundings, putting it on when you smell fair-trade coffee or hear a banjo, and taking it off when someone utters the word bro.
Upon hearing about this ridiculous hair invention, one of my colleagues suggested we petition Groupon to publicly post the list of buyers so we can socially shame them for all eternity.
Sadly, over 50 of these new-age toupees have already been purchased. Here's hoping your man isn't among them.