Go Home, You're Drunk: The 7 Signs It's Time To Leave The Bar

by Jennifer Sanchez

The night is young and so are you -- it's time for you to hit the clubs with your friends! You've had a hard week, and now it's time to forget about all the stresses in your life and party all night... or you know, until it's time to go home. Sometimes, you just have to call it a night. Here are seven signs that it’s time to go home:

Your Phone Hits 20 Percent Battery: Red Danger Zone!

You’re out; you’re having a good time. Maybe you’re just having an okay time. You see your phone hit the dreaded red: 20 percent battery or less. You don’t have a charger with you.

Even if you did, where would you plug it in safely? I mean, you could ask the bartender, but you saw him roll his eyes when you asked for a Malibu Bay Breeze earlier. Just go home.

Hostility Arises; Your Friends Want You To Jump In

All you wanted to do was go out and enjoy yourself. Now, your best friend is saying that some bitch across the club is talking sh*t and she’s not having it. That girl starts making her way in your direction. Words are exchanged and you’re pretty sure someone is going to get smacked.

Your first move should be to intervene and get your friend out of there. If that doesn’t work, grab your clutch and head on out; save yourself. You’re 25 – or at least an adult of some age. You’re not here to fight.

You Start Yawning


Once that first yawn hits you, you better down a soda real fast and make your move out the door. Odds are, you’re going to have to drive home, and you don’t want to fall asleep at the wheel all because Kevin wanted to celebrate his birthday on a Tuesday night.

You Throw Up; If It’s On You, Get Out Before Anyone Sees

We Heart It

In September, I went out for my birthday and drank way too much. I stumbled out of the club and became really familiar with the trashcan. I knew I should have gone home, but obviously chose not to. I decided to fight it.

Fast-forward 20 minutes later, I’m sitting in a friend of a friend’s car and he’s begging me not to throw up. Have you ever tried reasoning with a drunken person? He lucked out, though. I decided to be a polite car guest and threw up on my lap… three times.

You Start Losing Important Items: Phone, Wallet, etc.


Two years ago, while out for another friend’s birthday, I put my iPhone and clutch down on the table, next to the other ladies’ clutches and phones. When I came back, my phone was gone.

It sobered me up very fast. I spent the next 30 minutes pulling up couch cushions and trying to get the DJ to stop the music and turn the lights on. I left right after, feeling completely defeated.

Someone Spills A Drink On You

Kirill Was Here

In college, most of my “going out wardrobe” consisted of clothes from Forever 21 because going out meant some dirty frat house with sticky floors and even stickier bodies. Clearly, I had no self-respect.

You expected that some sloppy sorority girl (i.e. me) would spill a drink or fall down the stairs. But now, I’m an adult! I wear real clothing when I go out. If you spill something on me, I’m going to grab my stuff and go because sticky boobs are not the move.

Unwanted Attendees Show Face

You’re at a nice bar that enforces a dress code. There are $20 drinks involved and tiny appetizers the size of quarters. It’s a fancy night out. It’s a special occasion.

Last summer, I was at a place like this when a big dude wearing a diamond Marvin the Martian necklace approached me. Time to go.

Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr