Drunken Words Are Sober Thoughts: 5 Text Messages You've Sent While Under The Influence

by Natasha Artwell

We’ve all done it.

Some are hilarious, some get us in trouble and some leave us wanting to run away. In your drunken state, text messages seem like the best, most justified idea.

The next day, however, once you’re in a more sober and socially aware state, you will reach for your phone and find a truly terrifying transcript of your thought process.

Hint: It wasn’t a good or justified idea. Whatever the reasoning or motive was behind the text, the evidence of it exists in plain sight – comprehendible or not.

Before we go further, it’s only fair to let you in on my most embarrassing drunk text: the text of all texts; the one that will haunt me forever. I was out with my girlfriends in the midst of a bad breakup and I had a lot more to drink than I care to admit.

I stumbled out of the taxi and into my house, and it was at that moment I thought it would be a good idea to tell my ex exactly what I was feeling.

The problem was that I used someone else’s words to do it. Yes, I sent him every lyric to Adele’s “Someone Like You.” Even worse, I tried to pass them off as my own, as if I had just written — and dedicated to him — one of the most well-known love songs around.

At the time, of course, sitting in my kitchen listening to Adele, I thought it was the best idea ever. It wasn’t. We barely ever spoke again.

They say drunken words are sober thoughts. Let’s look a little deeper.

The “I’ve had a secret crush on you for so long” drunk text:

Maybe you’ve managed to keep your feelings about a certain someone to yourself for a long time. Maybe you’ve admired someone from afar and managed to keep your cool — until drunken you thinks it’s a good idea to spill the beans.

You wake up the next day, check your phone and hope that it didn’t happen, and then you see it. You have either just initiated the beginning of something beautiful or just made a friendship really awkward.

Fingers crossed it’s the first, but if not, just blame it on the alcohol or claim that someone stole your phone… and then change your number.

The “I don’t know why, but you’ve pissed me off and I’m going to tell you about it” drunk text:

Something in your mind triggers this one. It could be something that this person did months ago and you just remembered or relived it, or it could be something you have completely fabricated and overanalyzed in your drunken head.

Regardless, this person who pissed you off needs to know why because drunken you says so.

It’s a bit like having a dream that your partner cheated on you and subsequently waking up angry, regardless of the fact that he or she was lying next to you the entire time.

The subject of your anger hasn’t necessarily done anything wrong, but you’re drunk and drunk you is mad. You wake up the next day and reread the text, realize the person has done nothing wrong and instantly send another text, apologizing profusely.

The “I love you” drunk text:

Now this one is hard to take back, or to blame on anything or anyone else. The “I love you” drunk text is the mother of all drunk texts; it’s difficult — nearly impossible — to cover up.

However, there’s always a positive side to these situations. I mean, if you love someone, why not say so? The problem is most of us prefer to be in a romantic, magical moment the first time we say this to a person — not through squinted eyes, typos and poor grammar.

The “I’m horny” drunk text:

If you’re going to do it, you normally send this one on the way home. It’s a statement of all of the naughty things you want to do to a certain person.

The reality of this situation usually involves falling into a bedroom, being unable to take off your own shoes and passing out fully clothed, on the bed, face-to-palm in your pillow. The thought was there, though, right?

The “making an important decision” drunk text:

Maybe you’ve been pondering an idea or an important decision in your life. Once alcohol enters your body, all ability for you to think reasonably leaves. You make a big decision in your drunken state, believe it is absolutely the best thing for you to do and press send.

The next morning, you realize instantly that you definitely did not make the best decision. It was absolutely not the best thing to do and you spend the rest of your day trying to undo your mistakes from the previous night.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It