Okay, so I'm not in favor of alcoholism. But I think we can all agree that getting hammered has a pretty bad rep.
I mean, how could it not? Drinking alcohol means willingly ingesting a liquid potion that transforms us into uncensored versions of ourselves.
Still, in the name of honest journalism, I feel it is my duty to point out something: Once in a blue moon, your drunk self ends up really pulling through for your sober self.
More often than not, our sober selves are total insecure pussies. A little liquid courage every now and again is totally what the doctor (who is perhaps a theoretical doctor I'm inventing for this article) ordered.
The next time you have a few too many tequila shots, stop beating yourself up. And read this list.
1. When drunk you admitted your feelings for him
You've been close friends for five years, but you've managed to keep your undying love for him under wraps.
That all changes on the night you get totally sh*tfaced and finally grow the balls to tell him what sober you should have told him long ago.
2. When drunk you did something psycho
Maybe slapping the stupid b*tch who was chatting with him wasn't such a bad move.
Maybe that's just what you needed to prove you to yourself that you liked him more than sober you believed. (Also, if the guy sticks around even after you were a total nutcase, maybe he actually is the real deal.)
3. When it gave you a break from your problems
Life is full of uncontrollable situations that give us endless amounts of anxiety.
But this anxiety strangely disappears when you take it to a club, where your only concern is getting the bouncer to let you dance on the tables.
4. When drunk you confronted your friend about something that bothers you
Yes, it's awkward to confront your best friend. And maybe you could have phrased things a little more kindly.
But the bottom line is that you got all that negativity off your chest -- and a million pounds off your shoulders.
5. When drunk you stopped giving a sh*t about appearances
You just walked into the club with mascara dripping down your face and chunks of puke highlighting your hair. How many f*cks do you give? ZERO.
6. When drunk you cried
Being "that drunk girl crying at the club" is not exactly the coolest party move, you but maybe an emotional release was just what you needed in the moment.
7. When drunk you stopped counting carbs
Sober you has been eating food that tastes like cardboard for about three weeks now.
Sober you is almost at the point where she'll stab a perfectly harmless stranger for a bacon cheeseburger.
Drunk you saves sober you from MURDER by indulging in some well-deserved carbs.
8. When drunk you had the courage to flirt with the person who might be the next love of your life
Okay, so he might also just be another douchebag whose name you won't remember. But at least you were confident and fierce enough to give love a shot!
9. When drunk you finally deleted your ex's number
This is something that sober you should have done anywhere from six months to seven years ago. Drunk you is here to GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
10. When drunk you worked in some exercise
Whether it's from getting down on the dance floor or squatting over the bar toilet, drunk you is doing her part to burn some calories.
11. When drunk you remembered to appreciate your loved ones
Sometimes you get so caught up in the trials and tribulations of sober life that you forget to take a minute to appreciate all of the people who make your life worth living.
Drunk you takes a minute to give a little TLC to your life's MVPs.
12. When your dance moves improved immensely
While your sober dance moves bear a striking resemblance to the likes of Napoleon Dynamite, drunk you gains some street cred by looking like the beautiful dance child of Beyoncé and Justin Timberlake. Or so you like to think.
13. When drunk you went on an adventure
Odds are it wasn't the safest or smartest decision you've ever made, but drunk you just gave sober you an epic story to tell for the rest of her life.
14. When drunk you learned your limits for next time
Maybe nine tequila shots took you to a bad place. But now we know. Onwards and upwards!
15. When drunk you finally bonded with your longtime girl crush
You've worked with Jen for three years now, and you just know you two have great BFF potential. Time for drunk you to make that dream a reality.
16. When drunk you got a good night's sleep
While sober you can't remember the last time she was able to fall asleep without spending an hour (minimum) lying in bed stressing about things she has literally no control over, drunk you is able to sleep like a baby after a night out on the town.
17. When drunk you learned who your real friends are
There are two types of friends in this world: the ones who will carry you home as you yack on their new shoes, and the ones who will leave you to die in the arms of a slimy douche at a seedy club downtown. Drunk you puts these b*tches to the test.
18. When your hangover the next morning gave you an automatic personal day
Drunk you leaves sober you with one final gift the morning after: the hangover.
You have an entire day when you can't be bothered by the regular bullsh*t sober you is constantly putting up with.