People Who F*cking Curse More Actually Make The Best F*cking Friends

by Lauren Martin
Universal Pictures

It f*cking feels f*cking good to swear. I don’t f*cking know where or when we f*cking started, but it f*cking happened. We’ve gentrified the F word, and we can’t f*cking stop.

Swearing is one of those things we can’t really figure out. We all do it, yet so many condemn it. We know it’s bad, yet we can’t help ourselves. We f*cking love it, but have no idea why.

Where did we learn it? When did we start? Why does it feel so damn good?

Timothy Jay and Kristin Janschewitz sought to answer these questions in their report “The Science of Swearing.”

In the report, they argued swearing’s negative stigmas stem from our court’s association with speech cases of discrimination and sexual harassment.

Their work, however, suggests swearing does not promote or produce negative consequences.

Their results come from studying 10,000 cases of public swearing. From those cases, there were no incidents of public swearing that led to direct violence or harm.

Another case against swearing is it corrupts children. Sociologists suggest there is no scientific or sociological proof a single word can cause harm.

They also found most public uses of swear words are not out of anger, but to produce positive effects, mainly humor.

Research does prove, however, swearing can lower physical pain. It has a cathartic effect that enables us to react and live through pain better.

It’s also used for stress management, storytelling, social cues and, most importantly, a replacement for physical violence.

Because does "f*ck" really cause more damage than a punch to the face? Does hearing your child curse hurt more than watching him hurt himself?

According to Jay and Janschewitz, while the everyday English speaker swears in 0.5 percent of his daily words, swearing occurs most in Type A personalities. Those classified as extroverted are known to swear the most.

Interestingly enough, women dominate in the most recent frequency count of public swearing. This does not mean women have become cruder; there’s just more of us. More of us watching TV, engaging in social activities and refusing to give a damn.

So after all this, what can you really say about your friend who swears all the time or your kid who can’t keep "f*ck" out of a sentence? You can say they’re good f*cking people.

They give it to you damn straight

Who wants things sugarcoated when you can have them on fire? There’s nothing better than hearing something straight up and full of emotion, as opposed to hearing it passive aggressively in pieces over the next month.

The best kind of friends are ones who aren’t going to hold back, but always show you their true selves.

They don’t water sh*t down

How is it the spice of life if you’re always watering it down? What’s the point in getting excited about something if you can’t adequately express it?

Friends who are always willing to beef things up, proclaim their excitement in profanity and off rooftops, make the world a damn better place to live. Why not be outlandish and brash? Why not be f*cking excited about stuff?

They’re cool with being the assh*le

If they’re cursing a lot, chances are they’re caring even less. People who introduce F-bombs into the fiber of their very being are usually people who have excluded public opinion from it as well.

They are spontaneous, wild and don’t give a damn. They are OK taking a few hits and have armor as thick as their vocabulary.

They don’t take things too f*cking seriously

There’s nothing that eases the tension more than a good curse. I mean, if they’re f*cking pissed, at least they’re f*cking something.

Things just seem less serious when there’s emotion added to it, less stale when there are a few profanities involved.

If you’re going to get yelled at, you want it to be by someone who can add some color to his or her emotion.

Besides, if they’re f*cking pissed, it’s probably nothing that can’t be alleviated by a good f*ck.

They'll defend you against any d*ck or c*nt

If you want someone on your side, you want someone with a strong mouth.

What good are friends backing you up if they don’t know how to do it properly? They're always ready with a sharp response and an even sharper tongue.

They know how to tell a damn good story

A story is never a good one without a few curses. I mean, what good is a punch line without f*ck? Why call it making love when you could call it f*cking? What’s the point in a story if you’re not going to go there?

Good storytellers are also natural cursers. They understand the power of a good F-bomb as much as the extremity of an evil c*nt or a huge d*ck. They know how to place things, where to put them, and they will always f*cking go there.

They're f*cking open

Chances are if they aren't afraid to drop an F-bomb, they're also not afraid of other people dropping them.

They're desensitized to language as well as most things this world will throw at them. They've got an open heart, mind and mouth.