Yeah, I used to wallow in weekend parties — lampshade on my head and everything. You know, seven shots in and you’re still amped for the night and your social skills are effortless.
Then one day, I sat in my room after a productive day at work, wondering who to call to indulge in some well-deserved revelry.
I mean, it was 5 o’clock somewhere, and considering I’ve abandoned my social life, I knew I’d be unceasingly scrolling through my contact list:
I haven’t talked to Helen in what feels like decades, so that’s too desperate.
Sara’s too crazy for me. I’d probably come home five days later, after a spontaneous trip to Cabo and a tattoo that gloriously cries out, “Badass Bitch.”
David... Who the hell is David?
I wasn’t 19 anymore, and I did indeed delight in my rite of passage. But, my priorities have adjusted: I quit smoking, and my threshold for tolerating people had phenomenally withered in size.
My life appeared a lot less exciting, extremely busy and all I wanted to do was come home and catch a break.
I was about that life. But, as the weekend nights got younger, I got older, and my friends became acquaintances, if not strangers.
Here is how and why your friendship circle will dwindle by the time you turn 25:
1. The Grind.
Our jobs are the main deterrents when it comes to our social lives. They are the main filter in extracting who we make time for and who makes time for us.
We work hard to pay our bills, and after work, we want to just spend time with our loved ones or burrow in our own solitude.
Our jobs are also the doorway to new relationships. We spend more time with our coworkers and older friends turn out inadvertently on the bottom of our inboxes.
We don’t mean to, it just does works out that way .
2. The Turn Up.
Finding solace in our Saturday nights involving a hodgepodge of boozy, irresponsible decision-making and nocturnal drunk texting, is no longer on our agendas.
If we want to turn up, we’ll do it in bed; we don’t mind.
Some of us lose interest in it sooner than others, and along the way, we’ll lose Heather to partying, and Joey from work becomes conveniently more available for coffee dates.
Constant partying gets dreary. Today’s pop music fails to harmonize with our fancy footwork as it used to, and two shots of Jame-O means bedtime.
Having this much fun feels awkward, and we become exhausted when it’s not even 9:30 pm.
3. New Relationships.
New relationships happen and can certainly put a strain on old friendships.
Your single buddy Jason resents you because all you want to do is spend time with your new girl.
It becomes trickier when your new babe brings in her friends, whom you eventually befriend, and then you find yourself caught in some unfaithful clan-choosing war game.
Prepare yourself to choose and upset others.
If they were really there for you, they’d understand. If you were really there for them, you’d make time.
4. The Change Of Heart.
Over time, our values and interests change. Maybe you no longer want to engage in juvenile activities involving a Walmart shopping cart and illegal fireworks.
Meeting girls at local dive bars isn’t a thing for you anymore; you just want to meet the right girl and settle down.
You are left with an awakening perspective and want to quickly attach yourself to maturity.
5. The Limited Patience.
When we’re so busy with life, we make room for responsibilities that matter and have less room for fluff.
Consequently, our patience lessens for bullsh*t and toxic relationships.
We stop hanging out with the liars, the flakers and those who slow us down.
We prefer to surround ourselves with positive vibes and those who encourage us to thrive in life. We become selectively social rather than openly social.
6. The Stimulants.
Rosie has 20 friends. She subtracts the booze and recreational substances from her lifestyle.
How many friends does Rosie end up with? Rosie ends up with two friends.
It’s going to happen to you if it hasn’t happened already. When previous debauchery lobbied people together, you might find that was the only thing that you all had in common.
7. The Social Media.
According to ClickZ, the older Millennial generation occupies a higher usage of social media platforms than other generations.
This welcomes us to communicate with others easily and quickly. Facebook, along with its other accomplices, Instagram and Google, is a reason why friendships dwindle in substance.
Suddenly, a Facebook post on a friend’s timeline suffices for a real conversation? In recent days, it does.
But, do you get to embrace the look on his or her face when the person tells you about his or her recent engagement?
Did you fathom the heartache the person experienced when he or she disclosed his or her mom didn’t win her battle with cancer?
We love social media, and it comes in handy when we have friends overseas, but it can appear misleading. It’s where false intimacy is harbored.
8. The Miles In Between.
Some of us will spend our entire youth and young adulthood in the same city while some of us will become travelers or passionate vagabonds.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder and… go yonder.
“We’ll keep in touch,” really means I’ll send you an email twice a year, and “nothing’s going to change,” means it’s going to change.
That evening, I realized that if I wanted to meet up with a friend worthy of my time, it shouldn’t require me to scroll through my phone and complicate the moment.
It should just come to me. I learned that I had grown less tolerant of people, more particular with my time and a little snooty.
Call it a quarter-life crisis, but this is the point in my life of achieving some sort of clarity.
Some friendships will die, some will stay, but the ones that last will be the only ones that matter.
As semi-functioning adults, our relationships with people will be only as lasting and valuable as we make them, especially considering all of life’s curveballs.