The More, The Better: 30 Signs You Love Your Overindulgent Life
I confess: I am the girl at the bar, roaring with laughter as I toss back my fifth-too-many beer. I am the girl clocking in her sixth hour basking in the hot July sun with no sunscreen.
I am the girl latching my entire body to you because I know you leave for work in a few hours.
Every meal, every moment, every vice — I seek them out and absorb them like water, simply because it’s all I’ve ever known. Do I have an addictive personality? Absolutely not. Am I the human embodiment of the word "indulgent?" Hell yes.
In the words of Oscar Wilde, “Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.” I’ve always had this sort of “do what I want” complex, so if it’s what I want, then I want a lot of it.
Something I’ve picked up on in my 23 years is that I’m not alone. Indulgent souls are among us, and together, we make the best companions.
We are bad influences on bank accounts and waistlines, but the very best on hearts and minds. Here are 30 moments indulgent souls experience:
1. Rent is due, but the leather of that Marc Jacobs clutch is too buttery to walk away from.
2."…………Okay, thanks, you can stop.” — To the server, who is either grating Parmesan over your pasta or pouring your wine.
3. A party at 4 am after the club closes? Perfect. I never thought that hour was sufficient, anyway.
4. Every pizza is a personal pizza if you believe in yourself.
5. I know we just had sex four times between the hours of 10 am to 2 pm, but I’m not done.
6. Yes, doctor, I understand the severity of keeping one's headphones on full blast, but it’s the only way I make it through the gym.
7. Speaking of working out, I know I did this morning, but I better squeeze in a few miles tonight because endorphins/stress/large upcoming meal that won’t work itself off. Go big or go fat.
8. I know it’s only been a few months and we might not know each other the best — and it seems like we’re usually drunk when we hang out, and I’ve never actually been to your place, and we don’t know each other’s middle names, and sometimes you don’t text me back —, but I love you.
9. *Laughs obnoxiously loud.* *Entire restaurant stares.* *Continues laughing.*
10. “With a pulse, please.” — You answering how you’d like your filet mignon cooked after ordering $60 surf and turf.
11. Sunday Funday.
12. Monday Funday.
13. Tuesday Funday.
14. … You get it.
15. How many pairs of shoes do I want? All da shoes.
16. You’re asleep? Oh my god I’m sorry for waking you, but I just came up with this theory about the universe and I’m about to blow your mind.
17. Today seems like a good day to play, “How many Netflix seasons can I finish before getting up to pee.”
18. Oh, it comes in black? I’ll take six.
19. What do you mean too tan?
20. I understand this spa only offers 90-minute massages, but can you direct me to one that offers somewhere in the 300-minute range? My self-diagnosed fibromyalgia cannot be adequately cared for in an hour and a half.
21. No, trust me, I don’t mind that you’re a stranger telling me your life story. In fact, why don’t I tell you mine? Bartender, another round.
22. How is 14 days of PTO even remotely accommodating? Costa Rica is already paid for and I was just about to hit "book" on Expedia for Vegas. I need to speak with HR.
23. Speaking of Vegas, I know it’s 8 am and I have yet to sleep, but yes, I’ll put it all on the black.
24. “No, you’re not not drinking just because we did last night. That was Friday and today is Saturday. Buck up, partner. It’s happening.” – You to all your friends, always.
25. This amusement park boasts the fastest, tallest roller coaster in the world; therefore I will wait in four-hour lines to experience it… four times.
26. Large iced coffee with a double shot. Today’s looking like a long one.
27. Oh, and the double fudge brownie, too. Thanks.
28. (After your eighth coat of mascara) "Just oneeee more should do it."
29. “More sake more happy!!!!” *opens mouth for overzealous Hibachi chef*
30. I know you just left, but can you come back?
See, indulgence isn’t always a bad thing; it’s just a natural inclination toward more. And for me, it makes life worth living.