Gone are the days of wet willies, super-duper wedgies and fights over who ate the last Popsicle.
You and your little brother have grown up, and you are now quite the young adults. That was not always the case, however.
Being the oldest of three siblings and the only girl, you can imagine the amount of testosterone that lurked around every corner.
Needless to say, my brothers and I didn’t agree on everything.
Fast-forward to present day: My youngest brother and I share an apartment. I honestly could not have picked a better first roommate.
The benefits don’t only include pulling the I’m-the-oldest-and-you-have-to-do-whatever-I-say-plus-I’m-the-only-girl card on a weekly basis.
No, there are far more perks to having your little brother as your first roommate:
1. Preparation for living with a significant other
Yes, we all know guys are completely gross with their beard shavings, belching and boisterous snoring habits.
What better way to grow accustomed to such debauchery than living with someone of the same species (your little brother)?
You’ll never argue with your husband about the disaster he created in the kitchen while making a midnight snack because you've already been there, done that.
2. You can swerve a bothersome guy
You’re vibing to the pulsing lights and 808s of your favorite nightclub.
Upon returning to the bar for a liquid refreshment, an intruder (we’ll call him Ted) makes a beeline for the barstool next to you to engage in conversation.
Because, of course, a nightclub is the perfect place to discuss the universe and marriage.
Ted is nice enough, and you make friendly conversation with him until the club closes.
Ted then takes it upon himself to ask if he can come back to your place for a “night cap.”
You stare at him blankly and inform him that you live with your brother, and so whatever he thought this was, ain't happening. Ted beats a hasty retreat. Problem solved.
3. He’ll kill all the bugs
It goes without saying neither you nor your little brother will be living in the most luxurious of dwellings. (Maybe you will, though. I don't know your life or your tax bracket.)
However you slice it and dice it, the day will come when you will be face-to-face with a mosquito that blindly followed the scent of your Type O hemoglobin into your humble abode.
Who needs an exterminator when your brother can use his $50 Sperrys?
4. Fights only last .045 seconds
After moving in with your little brother, it’s only a matter of time before you have your first argument.
Luckily for you two, you’ve had approximately 18 years of sibling fighting experience, and arguments tend to be brief.
Instead of calling each other “throbbing block-face buffoons” and “dipstick bandits” (as was customary in your adolescent years), you resort to calmly insulting each other’s intelligence.
On a good night, the worst that could happen is you both fight for five minutes and then go binge eat, effectively obliterating the “diet” you’ve been faithful to since 9 am that morning.
5. You’ll never be the third wheel
For Millennials still stuck in the “Single As A Pringle” stage of life, you may get invited on a lot of outings.
Some of these outings may involve needing someone to couple up with, so to speak. Who better to go as your date than your little brother?
You don’t feel awkward around him, he probably has some sense of humor to keep the night interesting and you don’t have to perpetuate internal dialogue about whether he'll pay for you or not. (He won't!)
6. He’ll keep all your secrets when the parentals comes to visit
What is it about maturity that suddenly renders siblings capable of keeping each other’s secrets?
Prior to puberty, it didn’t matter how minuscule the offense — I was going to sue my brothers in the court of parental law whenever I had the chance.
Fast-forward 10 years and the Italian mafia couldn’t get me to rat out my brothers. Not to the police, not to the President of the United States and certainly not my parents.
7. He’ll always have rent money
Let’s face it: Millennials are constantly finding themselves in a three-way love triangle between living an independent, adult life and relying on mother dearest for those 8 am wake-up calls for work.
Add to this equation complete financial responsibility and you, my friend, have formed a new "Sister Wives" situationship. Living with your little brother can relieve this financial stress.
You’re already divvying up rent, utilities and Internet costs, but what if you’re strapped for cash that week?
You won’t have to deal with the embarrassment of borrowing money from little bro because he’s family.
It’s also comforting to know that you both have the same financial backup plan if both of you fail to budget properly: Mom and Dad.