It happens once a month, every month. We are women, and we have periods. Simple as that.
In school, the girls were always taken to another room to discuss the intimate actions of the womanly cycle. We were shown videos, diagrams, given free samples of various female products and told we would survive the harsh realities that adult life throws at us.
Yet, men were always left in the dark, with no real insight into the world of women and their natural capabilities. In fact, the only real insight into periods men get is when they spend time with women and get caught up in the dramatics of their monthly cycles.
As such, men tend to present the same array of stereotypical and unhelpful responses to their darling dames during their difficult times.
So, men across the world: Here are the true insights into the woman’s world, with five things all men — boyfriends, brothers and gay best friends — need to know.
1. It’s *bloody* uncomfortable.
I appreciate all the advertisements that show women happy as can be, but it is rather painful. Stomachaches, headaches, backaches — it’s uncomfortable, plain and simple.
There is simply nothing more appealing to a woman at that TOTM (time of the month) than curling up in bed with a blanket, a hot water bottle and some Netflix, to ease the pain and wallow in self-pity until it goes away. Instead, we normally try not to make a fuss about it, but it sucks.
While you, men, may love to “blame it on the hormones,” any grumpy moods and short tempers are more likely to be blamed on the fact that we’re ill and miserable.
Think about how whiney you get when you’re suffering from the hangover from hell...
2. You won't get covered in blood.
Whether it be cuddling in bed or sharing a shower, blood won't waterfall from us.
You, plain and simple, won't get covered in blood. We know what we’re doing; we’ve bought all the products, and we understand the appeal of fresh laundry.
We won't let you (or more importantly, our nice, clean, white sheets) get all gross. So, stop being a wimp and get over to my side of the bed to give me a well-needed spoon-fest.
3. Sex is still doable!
I can’t explain the number of times men have said, “Oh... but I don’t want to hurt you?” when propositioned some period-week fun. Let me get this straight: No, it won’t hurt. Lame excuse. Boo.
Guys are more than happy to encourage us to enjoy our bedtime fun, to explore every avenue and leave as much "mess" as possible, but as soon as there’s the possibility of some unwanted dribble, it’s off the table.
As long as you’re prepared for a little extra cleaning up, there’s no reason to be a prude about it. Grab some towels, your regular stack of tissues and enjoy the moment.
4. In fact… sex is important!
The best way to finish all this mess is to have orgasms. It speeds the process along by expelling unwanted ick from said parts, makes us feel all lovely, calm and relaxed.
And, it helps satisfy those womanly hormones that get us so excited in the first place. Embrace the intimate nature of this kind of loving and enjoy your woman at all times of the month.
5. Most importantly, you don’t have to "fix" it.
We’re used to it by now. It comes every month; we’ll survive. More often than not, if we’re whining, we just want a cuddle or a cup of tea.
We don't expect sympathy or for you to sacrifice a night out to be at our beck and call, but some words of kindness often go much further than you think. We hate it as much as you do, so join us on our level and share the love — and the chocolate.
So, go forth into the world of manhood. All of this is, ultimately, for your benefit anyway, so you can hardly blame us.
Instead, enjoy cozy nights in with movies and ice cream — and whatever you do, just don’t ever use the phrase, “That time of the month, is it?”