New York City isn't a place for everyone, as it takes a certain kind of person to survive this concrete jungle. You have to have thick skin to deal with the day-to-day hassles as well as the harshness of the people who live here.
Things are expensive and, more often than not, you find yourself living paycheck to paycheck. But it's your city and you wouldn't live anywhere else, would you? More on that question later...
Living in NYC is a world all its own, it's unlike any other place and that's what makes people so curious about it. Well as everyone knows, it's not hard to rub New Yorkers the wrong way, so you must be careful with what you choose to ask them.
1. Isn't your apartment small?
Oh, is it? I had no idea! Thank you so much for reminding me that I shell out over $1,500 monthly to live in a shoebox.
Also: It appears you already know the answer to this question, so I'm a bit unclear why you are asking it in the first place.
2. How can you afford anything?
Short answer? You can't. You have to pick and choose and analyze every little financial decision because you are independent and living on your own.
Shopping gets put on the back burner while your main focus becomes paying the utility bill. You spend your first few months spending money on lavish meals only to realize you should be paper bagging it to work.
3. Where are you really from?
No one is actually from New York City... are they? Don't ask New Yorkers where they are actually from because they probably don't even know how to answer this question.
Do you mean where I was born? Where I grew up? Where I went to high school or where I went to college? Chances are you don't want to delve into your entire life story, which makes answering this question extremely difficult.
4. But the city is huge, how is it so hard to meet people?
No, seriously, why is it so hard? Is it because we refuse to leave our group of friends to meet new people? Apparently hanging out in large groups deters people from approaching you? Who knew?
5. How can you survive without a car?
When the sun is shining, there is nothing more relaxing than walking through Manhattan. And despite whatever you may think -- public transportation is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Once you figure out how to use the subway, you will never take a taxi anywhere again. Which brings us to our next question...
6. Isn't the subway gross?
You know what's gross? Splurging on a taxi from the Upper West Side to Soho. Your wallet will thank you when it only costs $2.50 for a one way ride -- anywhere.
Everyone thinks the subway is gross to some extent, but once you realize the value of using it in everyday life, you will never think that again.
7. Do you feel safe at night?
What do you think NYC is, a war zone? Every city seems intimidating after hours, but there's no reason to be frightened as long as you are being smart. There are taxis literally available 24/7, so if you ever do feel unsafe, just hop in one and head home.
8. Is the pizza actually better there than anywhere else?
This is a stupid f*ckig question and one that all non-New Yorkers seem to have on their minds. Of course the pizza is better -- and you know when it's the best? At 3 in the morning, yup.
9. What about the bagels?
There is nothing quite like a New York bagel on a hungover Sunday morning... nothing. You may have to ask for some bagel with your cream cheese, but it'll be the best damn cream cheese you've ever feasted on.
10. Do you go to Times Square often?
NO! No real New Yorker ever willingly or voluntarily steps foot in Times Square. This is a huge tourist trap and the price of everything in this "Square" is a jacked-up rip off. If you ever want to maintain your sanity in NYC, this is the place to avoid.
11. How much is your rent?
An arm, a leg, my dignity and all my life's savings and no that doesn't include utilities. NYC has some of the most absurd rent prices in the country it seems.
The worst part is that half the time you also have to pay a broker fee, so add another $200-300 on top of that monthly rent.
12. Do you ever see "Law & Order" being filmed?
The day I see Detective Benson taking down a criminal in Central Park will be the day every single one of my friends knows. There will be no need to even ask this question because this is f*cking awesome and I will shout it from the rooftops.
13. Do you ever get mice in your apartment?
Yeah I do, want to see a picture?
14. Would you ever live anywhere else?
Every day you will experience different feelings about NYC -- one day you hate it or the next you love it. When the weather sucks, New York is the worst place in the world, but when it's beautiful out -- there's nowhere else you would rather be.
15. Do you actually like your job?
Do people actually like their jobs other than a select few? Most likely this is not the case. You accepted this job because IT'S A JOB and you need to make an income somehow so you can live in this glorious city. It's all a trade off in this world and accepting a job just because it's a job is part of the process.
16. How many rats have you seen?
Yes, great question, let me rehash all of the memorable moments I have spent in NYC looking for rats. They do exist and they do live in the subway, but guess what?
There are rats everywhere and that doesn't stop me from taking it. There's basically a 50/50 chance you will have an encounter with a mouse in your apartment at one point or another -- it's life, deal with it.
17. Have you ever been to Ground Zero/Empire State Building/Ellis Island/Statue of Liberty/ Times Square?
No, I only live in New York City and have never taken advantage of all the amazing sites here... Are people actually serious with this question?
18. What celebrities have you seen?
I have lived in NYC for two years now and the only celebrity I have seen is Jonah Hill. I'm not sure where these celebrities are hanging, but it's certainly not anywhere I could afford.
Much to many people's disbelief, celebrity sightings do not occur as often as you might believe.
19. Is it like "Sex & The City" and "Gossip Girl"?
NYC is nothing like how it's portrayed on television unless the television program is about being broke. You aren't dining out for every meal, you aren't shopping during every free moment and I have definitely not seen any Chuck Basses running around.