Sure, I've had a few girlfriends in my day. Although, “I ain't got no type” [cue Rae Sremmurd voice], it's hard not to notice a few similarities shared amongst my “old thangs.”
Aside from the fact that they all had their fair share of public episodes, crying at Starbucks across Long Island and 7th Avenue – they all went to schools in the Big 10, where they all... ding ding ding... pledged sororities.
And while they all might've ALSO ended disastrously, it's hard to deny that they all weren't great while they lasted. I mean, I probably could, if I really put my mind to it – but for the purpose of this piece, I'd rather focus on the “glass half full” side of the debate.
Thus, I offer to all you eligible bachelors, an homage to the Greek-life goddesses out there. Here are the 17 reasons that sorority girls low-key make the best girlfriends.
They have a lot of outside friends, for the sake of your sanity.
Think about it. Assuming that your girlfriend probably has around 35 pledge sisters, she'll likely have a different “birthday dinner” for every single week on the f*cking calendar. Tip your cap, and enjoy your free time, sir.
They have a lot of outside friends for the sake of your friends, too.
With that said, if you ever WERE looking to play the role of “Murray Hill matchmaker,” you could always just bring some homies through to any one of those aforementioned “birthday dinners” and watch the sparks fly.
They have thick skin...
They'll be hardened, emotionally strong women after surviving the eight consecutive weeks that they got balled out by bitchy older girls during the character-building era commonly known as “pledging.”
...And they have good skin.
Sorority chicks are impeccable at hiding two key parts of life: deeply-rooted social insecurities... and pimples.
They understand commitment.
There's no backing out once you decide to pledge your allegiance to one sorority. This is the type of commitment you'll want in your own relationship. Only with less cheap vodka and fewer regrets.
You'll always have photos, that's for sure.
Given the “itchy-camera-finger” of your sorority-chick-girlfriend, the most minuscule moments of your relationship will be chronicled with as much detail as the Oscars Red Carpet Live. It's annoying, but you'll also probably gain some third-degree Instagram followers, so, that's a plus.
They're VERY generous.
Sorority girls are the PINNACLE of generosity. From the handles of cheap vodka served complimentary at mixers, to the annual Chanukah Toy Drive – it seems like sorority girls are always giving. And, no, I'm not SOLELY referring to dirty looks.
There's a good chance they like to go out and do fun sh*t.
Of course, sorority girls are “fun”; they basically ooze that sh*t.
Up until senior year, that is. That's when the fun officially stops. Except, I'm sure a few freshman dudes would contest to that – for them, SWUG life is pretty gnarly.
They'll watch good TV on Sunday night (even if they don't understand it).
It's a scientific fact that only 37 percent of sorority chicks understand the plot of "Homeland." This is an impressive statistic considering that 100 percent of sorority girls watch "Homeland" – because it's trendy.
They make plans!
While I hate making plans, sorority chicks more or less thrive in that department. Think of it this way – you'll always have miserable fun activities on your agenda, and you won't even have to hit “ignore” on the Facebook event invite.
You can mooch their Netflix account.
I haven't paid for Netflix in years. I'm pretty much the “Cardboard All-Star” of bumming Netflix accounts from women I barely know.
They appreciate the little things.
Like their littles. And their littles' littles. And their littles' littles' littles. So on, and so forth. Don't get me started on the "big" issues.
They shadily eat a sh*t load.
I've been to my fair share of sorority houses, after hours – and unless they're slurping down the contents of the “cheese pouch” in the Easy-Mac by itself – I doubt MACARONI AND CHEESE is keeping in line with any of their new, trendy Paleo diets.
They aren't intimidated by other girls.
Of course, sorority chicks aren't intimidated by any other girls. That's why they decided to pledge a social club where they were secured themselves upwards of 75-100 "cool" friends.
They can get you the best deal on drugs.
You might think your weed man “hooks it up” for you, but you ain't seen nothing until you've watched a sorority chick work her voodoo on him.
They're experienced, thus confident with their bodies.
After four years of partying with their university's finest selection of fraternities, I would just assume they've dabbled sexually. As a result, they're probably cocksure about her own sex lives. No pun intended.
You can't really f*ck up worse than the sh*t they've seen in their history.
Given the class of dudes they're used to surrounding themselves with – and the amount of "'MURICA" chants at the parties they're used to partying at – you'll almost always be considered an “upgrade” right from the jump.