Thank you, ex-girlfriend, for teaching me that “I am the average of my five best friends.”
You were right. No wonder you hated them — the components of me, according to you. I guess they’re the reason why we broke up? I’m kidding, [former] love.
Readers, do you find it weird that I remember 90 percent of peoples’ names I’ve learned since elementary school? That I can effortlessly recall all names I’ve learned since the mid-90s?
Anyway, after two decades of building strong, healthy relationships with guys and gals, I’ve whittled it all down to a group of 13 that will be there — barring setbacks — with me when I’m 39. Or 56. Or 93.
Before I start the descent from the peak of my 20s (tear), I’d like to say how proud and thankful I am for this bunch (of bananas) that have peeled (appeared) into my life. Maybe you, too, reader, can relate.
Here are the 12 types of friends every guy needs to have in his mid-20s:
1. The Mediator
The mediator knows whose side to take and when. He loves you for you — duh — but also understands the necessity in correcting you when you are in the wrong. He uses a firm tone to encourage you to stop.
2. The Only Child
He’s the rare OC: selfless, respectful and kind. He regards as a brother and tells you what’s on his mind at any unsolicited time he wants to share.
While he may be brash, everyone needs some blunt advice without the sugarcoating every now and again. When he beats around the bush, it’s pretty darn obvious.
3. The Street Poet
When he’s not serenading girls with his poems, he’s in your face and usually yelling (sometimes spitting). Why? He’s passionate. His tongue hurls the truth, like why you need to quit certain addictions and what you need to prioritize.
After a session of listening to his 30-minute spiels, his booming stage voice usually gets the job done.
4. The Whatever-Works-For-You-Works-For-Him Guy
You hope the girl he marries is as sweet as he is. He’s probably younger than you, honest, diligent, charming and discerning. The list of positive attributes could go on for hours.
The best thing about him is that he’s your friend. He doesn’t care whether you visit him in Oregon for grad school or simply stay in touch via iMessage.
He always wants you to make the decision because ultimately, whatever works for you, works for him.
5. The Engaged Guy
He occasionally messages you via Facebook to catch up and inquire whether the job market is really as bad as they say it is. He knows you aren’t exaggerating your incredibly sh*tty, yet accurate descriptions.
As much as you care about his future success, you have faith that he’ll be okay because his personality — and sweet fiancé — will push him through.
6. The Chamber Of Secrets
Everybody on this list is a good listener, but this guy takes the cake. His best quality isn’t that he just hears you out, but he follows up with you, too.
He also provides wise insight and appreciates your honesty. He's been there since your high school days and you will feel forever indebted to him for his loyalty.
7. The DJ
Teacher by day, DJ by night; this guy is quite the character. Even though he’s way older than you are, your maturity level far exceeds his. If he ever reads this post, he'll laugh and think you're joking -- but you’re not. On a serious note, his ability to balance his passions and responsibilities are motivating and endearing.
8. The Businessman
Once one of the biggest pot smokers known to man, you used to think he lacked drive and wasn’t going anywhere in life. He calmed down, made the sharpest of U-turns, graduated college and fixated his eyes on the prize. He's an inspiration that anything is possible.
9. The Singer
She has a singing voice that will make your heart melt, but when you tell her that, she'll tell you to shut up. Simply put, she's absolutely gorgeous (but taken), makes promises she can keep and is there to talk to you when nobody will be able to relate.
10. The Sibling
Your sibling knows how obnoxious your snoring is. I keep it pretty transparent with mine; we realize how important our mutual success is to our parents.
11. The Myspace-Friend-Turned-Best-Friend
We chatted via MySpace back in 2005 and ever since, we’ve had daily phone conversations and annual visits; we have a special connection. Obviously, this is the most unique person on this list.
12. Your Female Best Friend You Rejected, Regretted And Got Over
Don't worry; she's aware. Now she laughs about how much you missed out on. She's busy doing her own thing, as are you, so you guys are okay if the dinner dates get pushed back a few months. Expect random texts at weird times of the day.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It