One-night stands: We've all had them; they're like a right of passage in your twenties. If you’re going to explore your sexuality, now is certainly the most opportune time.
Society is finally starting to come of age in terms of accepting female sexuality. We’re less demonized for trying new things with new people; the world is more open to our place as equals.
Yet, there are still those antiquated notions that a girl who sleeps with multiple men is somehow a “slut” or a “whore,” somehow worthless.
If we choose to have one-night stands, we must be dirty. As ridiculous as this is, it still leads a woman to become inundated with a host of worries and regrets after a one-night stand.
Are we easy? Are we skanks? Is this something we’ll regret?
These insecurities are a reflection of the way women are sexually handcuffed and categorized; as flawed as that is, it's reality.
We’ve all been there -- bothered by that sting of anxiety for days or weeks following a brief romantic tryst after a night out at the bar, wondering if the whole world can see a scarlet letter emblazoned onto our chests. We face a strange catch-22 in that sense.
We’re told to own our sexuality, and yet, when we do, we’re stricken with labels. How could we not feel conflicted when we’re given the keys to the kingdom, but then locked inside?
The truth is worrying is worthless. How can we ever be equals if we let ourselves obsess over the details of something that happened one night with nice a stranger? We can’t beat ourselves up forever. We’ll go crazy.
Here are 10 all-too-real worries every girl has after a one-night stand and why these worries are completely worthless.
“Was this worth a number?”
The real worry: Am I whore?
Why you’re worrying: You’ve been keeping track of your numbers for life. Having a one-night stand has just added another notch to your bedpost, and you’re sure you’ll probably never see this guy again. How could that be worth it?
Why it’s worthless: Having sex with multiple people has been demonized by society. That is just wrong. It doesn’t matter who you have sex with as long as you’re safe. Explore your sexuality. You’re young and alive. F*ck numbers.
“Will he call me?”
The real worry: I hope he calls me.
Why you’re worrying: If he doesn’t call you, you know it will make you feel dirty and worthless. You know you shouldn’t feel that way, but you can’t help it.
Why it’s worthless: You went into this knowing you most likely would never see this man again. You don’t need the validation of some random stranger that you’re not a slut. You’re not a f*cking slut. And, if he thinks you are, why would you want to waste time on that?
“Should I get tested for STDs/get the morning after pill, even though we used a condom?”
The real worry: I don’t know if I was safe enough because I was drunk.
Why you’re worrying: It’s easy to freak yourself out about stupid sh*t when you do something unexpected. You’re also feeling vulnerable and want to think of anything to make yourself feel worse.
Why it’s worthless: It’s easy to dwell on unlikely possibilities of contracting an STD when you did something you’ve been told for so long is wrong (it’s not.) If you used a condom, you’re fine.
But, if it’s going to make you feel better to get tested, go ahead and do it. Just remember this was not a mistake. You deserve to have fun!
“Could he tell I haven’t been working out?”
The real worry: Do I look good naked?
Why you’re worrying: In all likeliness, he is going to brag to his friends that he got laid last night. If he’s going to say anything about you, you do hope it’s that you have a rockin bod.
Why it’s worthless: He was drunk so he probably doesn’t remember. He is going to tell his friends you have a banging body because why would he want to tell them he slept with someone who doesn’t?
“Did he think it was as bad as I did?”
The real worry: I don’t want him to think I’m bad in bed.
Why you’re worrying: You were drunk. Obviously, it was not your best performance. You feel self conscious about being thought of as having no skills, when you certainly do have skills.
Why it’s worthless: He sucked, and you did not particularly enjoy yourself. If he’s going to somehow pin that on you, he is an assh*le.
“Does he want morning sex, or should I just leave?”
The real worry: I’m still horny.
Why you’re worrying: You don’t want to overstay your welcome after you drunkenly slept with this guy you don’t know. You also aren’t sure he is as cute as you thought.
Why it’s worthless: You can literally see that morning wood. Just jump on it, girl.
“Is he going to feed me breakfast? Can I ask for a ride home?”
The real worry: You don’t want to seem needy or desperate by asking to be fed or asking to be driven home.
Why you’re worrying: It feels awkward and out-of-bounds to ask for anything after you gave it up after one sloppy night at the bar.
Why it’s worthless: You have every right to be given something to eat. You’re hungover and you just gave this random dude sex. The least he can do is f*cking feed you. He is also obligated to drive you home. It’s winter and you’re wearing 7-inch heels.
Do you want to get on the train looking like that?
“What is his name again?”
The real worry: You don’t want to look like an assh*le for forgetting his name.
Why you’re worrying: You think if you can’t remember the name of someone who had sex with, that must make you super easy.
Why it’s worthless: How many times has he referred to you as “dude” this morning? He doesn’t remember your name, either. Just wait until he turns his back and look for a receipt on his desk.
“Should I kiss him before I leave?”
The real worry: Does he want me to kiss him or just GTFO of here?
Why you’re worrying: You don’t want him to think this is somehow the beginning of something when it most likely is not.
Why it’s worthless: There isn’t anything wrong with kissing him goodbye. He was inside you only a few short hours ago, remember?
A kiss goodbye takes the awkward out of the situation and is kind of like, “Thanks for the lay. I’m not going to be awkward because I am too cool for that.” You got this.
“Am I going to regret this later?”
The real worry: I don’t want to regret another thing.
Why you’re worrying: You don’t want to be bogged down by a million worries. You’re afraid this regret could have been avoided if you had just controlled yourself.
Why it’s worthless: There is nothing wrong with what you did and therefore, nothing to regret. It may be hard to convince yourself of this, but tell yourself repeatedly, and you can, perhaps, convince yourself to believe it.