10 Reasons You're Not Dirty, You're An Organized Mess

by Dan Scotti

I’ve always been told I’m a mess. I can’t really argue that point. As soon as I put on a white v-neck (I wear a white v-neck almost every day), it takes about, I don’t know, four minutes before I stain it with spaghetti sauce. I’m rarely ever even eating spaghetti either -- that’s the bizarre part.

It just comes with the “messy” territory, I guess. But being “messy” just sounds like sh*t, no pun intended.

Thus, I like to use the term “organized mess,” which means I’m a slob, but I also can function on a day-to-day basis. It’s a got a ring to it, no?

Anyways, there’s nothing wrong with being messy if you’re also organized. There are plenty of people who flourished among clutter.

Steve Jobs, Mark Twain and Albert Einstein’s desks all were f*cking disasters, but they didn’t turn out so bad.

If you think you’re in this elite company, refer to this checklist. If you can relate to any of these 10 signs that you’re officially an “organized mess,” it might not necessarily be a bad thing.

1. Everything you need is always within your arms' radius.

While the clusterf*ck of Apple charger-wires, styrofoam trays from Seamless, and weeks worth of old newspapers – all piled onto the 5-inch window sill – might not be the staple of elegance, when considering that all of your daily amenities are less than an arm’s reach away from your bed, what’s the issue?

2. You’re not dirty, you’re just messy.

If someone is dirty, I don’t know, I always seem to get the mental image of Pigpen from Charlie Brown sashaying through town before a cloud of filth.

That’s not you. There are no clouds of filth. There IS a mess though. But no filth. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.

3. Actually, f*ck that – you’re not messy, either – you’re efficient.

While you absolutely LOVE the CONCEPT of socks going in sock drawers, dress shirts being hung on hangers and hats being placed delicately on a hat rack – by piling all of your sh*t onto the floor, in one corner of your room, you can really cut down on the “getting ready” time in the morning. It’s efficiency.

4. Your clothes aren’t wrinkled, they’re grunge.

Wrinkled white t-shirt, perhaps a stain or two. Unironed jeans, maybe a rip. Let people call you whatever the f*ck they want. It’s simply normcore. Or grunge.

Whatever it is, it’s spectacular. Science says you don't have to dress the part to be successful.

5. Those empty water bottles aren’t to be recycled, at least not in the conventional sense.

You know how Cool Frat Dudes™ stack all their empty liquor bottles on some random-ass shelf in the kitchen to look macho and awesome?

Yeah, I do the same – except they’re empty bottles of Evian on my floor that I bring to work and refill with water from the cooler.

6. You know exactly where everything is, but you’re the only one who does.

It may not look perfectly put together, but you know where everything is. Does your roommate? Nah, but it isn’t his sh*t. Does your mom? Nah, but it ain’t her sh*t, either. It’s your sh*t.

And you know exactly where everything is, down to the receipt from last Wednesday’s bacon, egg and cheese (it’s in the northeast corner of your closet).

7. You don’t see the point of making the bed.

I mean, I don’t. Like, cool you “made your bed.” Do you know how long that sh*t stays made? UNTIL YOU WANT TO USE IT. And I, personally, use my bed often.

So it really doesn’t make any sense to straighten the sheets out, if, immediately after, I’m going to crumple them up again.

8. You wear clothing straight out of the drier (H/T Kramer).

It might APPEAR that you forgot to do your laundry the night before, and now you’ve succumbed to wearing wrinkled clothes directly out of the drier – but you know that isn’t the case. It’s just cold out.

Wearing clothes out of the drier is like the clothing-equivalent of eating cookies within 10 minutes of being in the oven.

9. Your desk is a sacred place and only you can use it.

Your desk is your sanctuary. It’s like a f*cking puzzle that only you know how to debunk. You got your Dutch guts in one corner, incense ash in the other. In the back, there’s a stack of receipts piled on top of three year’s worth of birthday cards.

Regardless, you’ve never misplaced anything in your life because – while they might not be in the most TIDY spots – they’re in their right place. At least according to you.

10. You can’t see the floor, but you don't need to.

You can’t see the floor in your room because the floor also doubles as your closet. That’s a little something I like to call, “killing two birds with one stone.” It’s honestly very practical. For me, I’m a very visual person.

In drawers, it’s hard to see all of the clothes you have because they’re piled one on top of the other. However, on the floor, you have a lot more surface area.

It’s also a lot easier than folding 35 pairs of black/white t-shirts whenever you do the laundry.