All The Career-Related Sh*t You Learn From Working With Assh*les

by Jessica Wendroff
Warner Bros. Pictures

"Mean Girls" isn't just a movie. For some people, it's a reality.

Bitches are real, and they are not exempt from the workplace. And I'm not just talking about mean girls; male coworkers can be bitches, too.

They get jealous of your accomplishments and try to sweep them under the rug. They also might spread false rumors about you to make themselves feel and look better. It's pathetic and petty, but that's just how some people choose to cope and operate in the professional realm.

But don't despair; being around people you dislike can become a learning lesson. Don't get me wrong, it sucks to see someone's face everyday that makes you want to slit your throat with a staple. But if you are open-minded, you can actually learn a lot of sh*t from assh*le coworkers.

While you're imagining crushing their skulls with a copy-machine, just remember that these d*ckheads can teach you essential lessons that will actually help you become better at your job and an overall better human being.

You learn to be patient.

Just because someone receives a salary doesn't mean they have the maturity or qualifications to match. You learned this quickly from your coworkers. But the patience you develop from dealing with them will serve you well later in your life.

You smile and nod through a coworker's stupid idea because you know you have to be professional. You learn that sometimes it's better to stay silent than to try to argue with the human version of Psyduck.

You learn how to be nice to everyone -- even fake people.

You're not stupid. You might pretend to be stupid for your benefit, but you're not stupid. You know when someone is being fake with you. And whether you let that person know or not is up to you.

The smart decision is to let people think you're stupid and that you can't see right through them. (I'm talking about coworkers who are low on the totem pole here -- not your boss or executive.)

So you act kind to people who say cruel things about you behind your back because you are actually an adult and know how to act accordingly.

Two bitches don't make a right. Never lower yourself to someone's bullsh*t ways. Turn the other cheek; occupy your mind with advancing your career instead of someone's vicious advancements.

When you're thrown to the wolves, you learn to lead the pack.

You learn to suck things up in order to succeed. You might have to work alongside the devil every day, but doing this will make you strong. Because if you can consult with a demon, you can consult with anyone about anything.

Sometimes you need to walk through hell to reach a heavenly paycheck. Even if seeing someone's face makes your soul vomit, you learn to deal. It's just like "The Office": There will always be a Toby to your Michael (and vice versa). But once you realize that you can see Voldemort everyday, you can do anything.

You learn that b*tches make the workday more interesting.

People may be mean to you, but as long as you hold your head up high and think about all of benefits of your job (literal and abstract ones), you can still be happy.

Besides, the villains give spice to your life! Your coworkers' dirty looks add a little charge to the atmosphere. Just pretend you're the star of "The Truman Show" and that your work life is all one big comedy that's making people laugh their asses off.

It can be annoying, but working with idiots can actually give you something to talk about and make your work days more interesting. You can laugh in your head thinking about all the dumb things this person is going to do or say today. And when you're back in your apartment, you can laugh even more when you recount the story to your best friend.

You learn that the workplace -- like life -- is what you make it.

At the end of the day, only you control your happiness. But if someone really is continuously bothering you, reach out to HR for help. There will always be haters no matter where you work or what you do, but that just means you're doing something right.

Winston Churchill once said, "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." So keep fighting the good fight.

The workplace isn't supposed to be a war zone. It should be an extension of your education; it's where you learn and grow. So do that. Learn. Grow. Don't resent or hate on anyone; just do your thing.

Like our other hero Rihanna once said, "People gon' talk whether you're doing bad or good."

Pay no mind to the opinions of assh*le coworkers' if they don't fund your pay.