Why Placing The Blame On Others For Your Problems Isn't Getting You Anywhere

by May Chau
When you blame others, you give up your power to change. — Robert Anthony

How often do you find yourself subconsciously blaming others for your personal pain and disappointments in life? It's all too common for us to associate our negative emotions, time wasted and missed opportunities to something someone else said or people we hardly know.

Truth be told, most of us have been guilty of this at one point or another, and it has in no way effectively solved our problems. It is essential for us to become aware that falling into the "it's not me, it's you" trap won't make us successful or even happy for that matter.

Why is it that so many of us turn to blame shifting instead of problem solving? As humans, we all act as irrational thinkers more often than we'd like to acknowledge.

Inaction. Passiveness. Escapism.

Blame shifting is simply another form of feeding ourselves excuses. It's our attempt at finding the easy way out and putting a little Disney-themed Band-Aid on the pain. Using blame shifting as an excuse to not move forward and solve problems will always be temporary.

The reasons why relationships in our lives fail occur in similar patterns. Despite our diverse backgrounds shaping who we are, we have such similar troubles.

It is a struggle to resist the urge to blame the other person, and it's easy to claim to have been wronged, manipulated or cheated on. It's far more difficult to step away from the victim role, take responsibility for our own feelings and break the cycle.

We're never truly out of options. There is the choice to stay a victim of the "it's not me, it's you" mentality or realize that blame shifting is not making your pain go away. Remaining in a state of denial does not magically make problems vanish out of thin air.

Many profound truths appear to be so simple that we are able to neglect them at ease. Simply wondering why you continue to end up with a best friend who talks behind your back, teams you can't get along with at work or emotionally abusive relationships isn't enough; you have yet to make change.

Some of us do want change, but now the question is, where do we start looking for it? This makes it easy to look at others and blame them for your disappointments without ever questioning why.

Understanding why you responded by blame shifting will position you at the starting line of the race to success.

When you finally start connecting the dots, you'll realize how you want things to be and move towards it. This is certainly not to be confused with how things should hypothetically be or how things were in the past in the case that those negative experiences never happened. Chances are, tough choices will have to be made.

As cliché as it sounds, people come and go. We're the only ones to allow our career choices, electronics and the fat year-end bonus to define our self-worth and happiness; no one else can control this.

Start. Empower. Inspire.

Let us realize we're the only ones keeping ourselves in old circumstances.

Let us believe that we can take control of our own emotions.

Let us move forward on this very day.

Let us stop blaming others.

Let us refrain from the illusions created by our lies and enlighten ourselves with thoughts of countless possibilities.

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