Woman Allegedly Leaves Husband After He Drunkenly Gets Penis Tat On Leg

Resident of Southsea, Hampshire Stuart Valentino (which sounds a lot like a name you would make up while stoned and talking to a cop) reportedly got wasted with his “friend” who let him tattoo this six-inch penis on his thigh.

Not only did he get a tattoo of a penis on his leg, but he apparently inked the schlong all by himself.

Unfortunately, being who I assume is the first person dumb enough to get this tattoo, he couldn't be sure how the world would take it. Stuart is an explorer in that way.

And, like explorers sometimes find, everything went terribly wrong.

His wife took one look at the cartoon dong, freaked out and allegedly ended up kicking him out of the house.

Daily Mail reports the father of four (yes, this man reproduced) said,

It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home… I'm not surprised, it really is the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Among the problems that arose was the fact he couldn't take his daughter to swimming classes anymore because “it looks though [his] penis was poking out.”

Really? You didn't predict having a big tattoo of a weiner on your body would make it difficult to be around children in public? Weird.

In a surprising twist, though, it's been reported his wife actually bought him the tattoo gun for his birthday.

Doesn't she know about Chekhov's gun...?

That's a Chekhov joke, guys. Look it up! It's a good joke! Trust me!

Citations: Bet he feels a right plonker now! Wife kicks out 'world's most annoying husband' after he drunkenly tattoos six-inch penis on his thigh (Daily Mail)