Once upon a time, there was a chill dude named Michael Senatore (I'm sure his friends call him "The Senator") who entered a high school talent show.
Mike knew he had to bring the heat or he'd look like a total schlub compared to Juggling Adam, Irish Drinking Song Susan and Just Really Hot Tom. So, he took a chance.
He went after the white whale -- the talent show trick everyone who has ever been to a talent show knows about. He attempted the trick that has never been performed successfully on a stage since the dawn of time: flipping a water bottle onto a table so that it lands upright.
Just saying those words sends my heart fluttering with equal parts quivering anticipation and adrenaline-soaked fear.
Mike stepped out onto the stage with an absolutely appropriate soundtrack for the occasion.
It's like watching a bird fly into space and kiss the sun. It is a miracle. It heralds the second coming.
And the Internet took notice of the tremendous accomplishment.
True Americans recognize a real hero when they lay their eyes upon his magnificence.
Because, as Christopher Nolan's ghostwriter once said, we get the hero we deserve.
None of us can believe it.
But we are all so thankful that it is real.
Let us never forget it.