Boy Steals Mom's Engagement Ring, Proposes To Crush


Put. A. Ring. On. It.

Or, if you cannot afford a ring to "put on it," feel free to steal one from your mom and re-gift it to your beloved.

"Romeo and Juliet" is widely regarded as the greatest love story ever told. For centuries we've retold the tale, changing the scenery from New York City to LA to a space station, or whatever is next.

We can't get enough of it.

But what no one ever remembers is that in "Romeo and Juliet," Romeo and Juliet are 13 fucking years old.

Yes, the greatest love story ever told is between two people who, if they were Jewish, would've JUST had their bar and bat mitzvahs.

An accurate modern rendition of the play would be two lines long and would read:

Act 1, Scene 1

JULIET: O Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? ROMEO: Sorry, there is a "Dragon Ball Z" marathon on cable rn, bye.


But, we do not need fiction, when reality provides us with the bounty of romance so abundantly.

In this vein, meet Tommy and Millie, two 4-year-old romantics.

Millie came home one day after school and told her father that a boy had asked for her hand in marriage that day.

The father, like any father, laughed off the proclamation as one of the many frivolities of youth.

Until, Millie produced the goods.

Tommy had stolen his mother's extremely expensive engagement ring in order to propose to Millie. Unlike a lot of men, of any age, Tommy isn't all talk. Tommy delivers. Tommy steals.

The father could not have been more entertained by the romantic display.

I'm assuming the ring was returned to its rightful owner, but I cannot be sure. After all, in the words of a shitty little kid I knew in 2nd grade, "FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS, ALEC!"

I hate you, Mike.