4 Questions The New 'Star Wars' Movie Should Answer (But Probably Won't)
Over the next few days, millions of people will flock to movie theaters around the globe and hope to avoid the disappointment they felt after doing the same for the first episode of the most recent "Star Wars" trilogy over 15 years ago.
Considering my history, I feel like I'm obligated to be one of those people: I wore out my VHS copies of the sacrilegious Special Edition trilogy and vividly remember puking up the two large popcorns I'd gorged myself on during a late night viewing of "The Phantom Menace."
My interest has waned a bit over the years, and even though I might not share the same passion of the people who lined up outside movie theaters at midnight on Thursday, I still have questions about past movies I hope are addressed by the new movie.
Considering J.J. Abrams' track record with "Lost," I'm not very confident they'll be answered -- this may also have something to do with the fact "real" fans probably care about more important details in the "Star Wars" universe.
Will R2-D2 and C-3PO finally become the couple they're destined to be?
The relationship between Luke and Leia was teased throughout the original trilogy until they finally touched mouths on Endor before she ditched Luke for Han Solo after deciding incest wasn't really her thing.
After the two got hitched at the end of "Return of the Jedi" (essentially killing any chance of the Han/Chewbacca relationship at the center of way too much fan fiction) there was suddenly a vacancy for the essential role of the "Will They Or Won't They?" couple.
They could make the new characters develop some unneeded sexual chemistry between themselves, but why would you take that route when we've already had six movies exploring the complex relationship between R2-D2 and C-3PO (aka "the Forrest Gump of droids").
They're essentially an old married couple already -- isn't it about time they formalize things and take advantage of the tax breaks and health benefits provided by the Rebel Alliance?
Did the Cantina Band become an intergalactic musical sensation?
When we first (and last) saw the Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes, they were playing the same song on a presumably endless loop at Mos Eisley's equivalent to the Double Deuce in "Road House."
It's been almost 40 years since we've seen them on screen, and I'd love to know what these one-hit wonders have been up to over the past few decades.
Did their single launch them to fame across the universe before the pressure of celebrity became too much to bear and the band was forced to break up when the frontman passed away after several stints in rehab to fight his addiction to the blue milk they serve at the cantina?
Or are they still in the same spot they were when we last visited Tatooine, playing and playing and playing until they can't play anymore?
Has Admiral Ackbar gotten any better at identifying traps?
I'm not sure who's in charge of promotions in the Rebel Alliance, but apparently the key to becoming an admiral is having the ability to identify traps immediately after you realize you've been caught in one.
I'm not sure if Admiral Ackbar is still actively serving but if he is, I sincerely hope he's refined his trap-identifying game to a level where he can call them out at least a second or two before falling victim.
Do the Ewoks still worship C-3PO as their god?
According to this overly detailed summary of the religious practices of fictional anthropomorphic teddy bears, C-3PO was essentially mistaken as a shiny version of Jesus whose arrival was long awaited by the Ewoks.
Given the cult-like worship he initially received and knowing just how much can be achieved with the power of an undying belief in a religion without any physical evidence to back their claims, I'm curious to see how far their belief system has evolved since we last left Endor.
Are all members required to walk around covered in those shiny blankets they give to marathon runners after a race? Do their ceremonies involve sipping from a chalice filled with oil?